The Art Of Taking Good Nudes
I coined the term “birthday tits,” and you need it in your life.
In 2021, nudes are sexual currency. Good nudes are valuable because they’re rare. They’re also vulnerable. Stand-up comedy is more intimidating than simply slipping a joke into a conversation with friends because you’re telling people “I think this is funny, and I hope you laugh.” It makes it way more painful when they don’t. Similarly, when you send a nude, you’re saying, “I think this is hot, and I hope you get hard (or wet) about it.” It’s more pressure than simply taking your clothes off with another person, and that can make it easy to get stage fright. But, if you’re a little camera shy and looking to ~SeNd NuDeS~ as they say, it’s helpful to realize that you have the power of technology on your side.
Nude Tip #1: angles, lighting, and even a gentle filter are your friends.
One afternoon of sexting that called for some x-rated pics to be taken in my very white and very sunny bedroom sent me into a tailspin over what I viewed as the horrifyingly unattractive natural state of my body. I stopped mid-sexting when the images I took were so truly disgusting to me that not only could my boyfriend (or any other human alive) receive them under no circumstances but I was pushed so far from orgasm, I could barely imagine having one. I spent the rest of the day in a body image-induced funk so powerful, I truly believed there was something offensive about my body that needed to be drastically altered. I decided to try to snap myself out of it when the sun went down and I got a few glasses of wine in me. I did a full face of makeup, curled my hair, and put on a pair of lace underwear with a long cardigan. I snapped photos of my skin in the dim lamplight as I rolled around in my comforter. I gradually removed my clothes: providing a photo set that allowed a viewer to softly wade into a pond of full-blown finger-on-clit photos from just a cheeky hint of cleavage. When I reviewed my photos, I was nearly knocked over by my own powerful objective hotness that I had to send them to my boyfriend ASAP. I was unarguably in the same body I’d been in earlier that day– just likely a bit more bloated. The body I thought looked bad and the body I thought looked good were the same– it was all about lighting (and I’m sure the wine helped, but it was mostly the lighting.) Moral of the story, AKA...
Nude Tip #2: broad daylight = bad; soft lamplight = good.
And...
Nude Tip #3: sometimes taking nudes can be a great way to remind yourself of how bangin’ you are and battle a bad body image day.
When it comes to nude content, boobs were always a go-to for me. Push them together a little; let the light hit them just right, and you can find yourself gazing lovingly at images of your own body, marveling at the fact that you are actually that hot. But, over time, you find yourself always delivering versions of the same photos. You want to switch things up– or worse– you receive a specific request. The first time I was asked for a photo of my butt, I contorted myself around in any position I could come up with and still didn’t see an image of my ass that I could imagine anyone comfortably masturbating to. I ended up putting my arm behind my back and taking a photo of my butt from below. The photo was fine, and it bought me some more time to do a little research. I googled, “how to take good butt pics” and discovered the holy grail of ass pic tips. I’ll save you the googling with...
Nude Tip #4: the best butt pics are taken from over your shoulder while you’re lying down on your belly.
It gives you a great view of your ass without needing to go for a mirror pic or pulling a muscle. You can also move the camera away just enough to get a hint of your lips in the foreground. If this explanation doesn’t make sense, just give it a test run.
Another kind of difficult body part to photograph was presented to me by my boyfriend one evening when he slipped in the comment, “I know you don’t like to take pussy pics.” I was surprised. I didn’t “dislike it” so much as I never did it, because it never looked very appealing. The comment stuck in my head until the next round of sexting when I positioned my phone between my thighs. The pics I snapped were simply awful. I tried sticking my hand down there to make them look a little less like the childbirth section of a very graphic biology textbook and a little more like something any human would want to look at. It still didn’t work, but then I realized they were live photos. I sent them along, making sure to tell him to play the live photo and not simply stare at the still.
Nude Tip #5: the labia looks better in motion.
When it’s time for the elusive pussy pic, stick with live photos or videos to keep your vag looking its best, and be sure to invite your fingers (or a vibrator!) to the party.
Every nude recipient is different, and of course, what people want to receive and when varies from person to person. Many of us have received an unsolicited dick pic. I once received an Instagram DM from a stranger with such a large penis, I felt sure that not only was this dick pic sent without my consent, but it was most certainly not the sender’s actual penis. Even those of us who know the unwelcomeness of unsolicited dick pics still have a tendency to forget about consent when the recipient is a man who we know likes to look at our naked body.
Nude Tip #6: always ask for consent before sending a nude out of the blue.
Even if it’s your boyfriend and he does want your nudes, he may not be up for it right now. (Or, what if he’s with his mom or something…) I recently took some nudes and asked my boyfriend if he wanted them. He said he did but asked if I could send them along tomorrow when he was ready to sext. I was glad I asked, because no artist wants to present their art to an unprepared audience, and it was definitely worth the wait the next day when he was ready.
The other night, I was thinking about how much I like one of my lingerie pieces that I love but never actually wear (it’s a bit too textured to wear subtly under an outfit): a pale pink, semi-see-through bodysuit with floral embroidery. I decided to slip it on and take some photos. I showed my cleavage, my butt, and my body in the lingerie, but there was nothing too revealing.
Nude Tip #7: nudes don’t have to be nude.
If you’re sending the same type of nudes all the time or if you’re a little less comfy with putting it all out there, sporting something sexy and going the more suggestive route is a great way out of your smut-related rut. Another way out of a rut is...
Nude Tip #8: don’t be afraid to get creative.
At first, I wouldn’t have gone for this advice. I’m already getting naked; that’s not vulnerable enough? Do I have to make art that can be critiqued, too? Nowadays, getting creative with nudes is my favorite way to make things fun. I did a great impromptu photoshoot one night while I waited for the bathtub to fill up– featuring mirror selfies of me leaning over the counter or sitting on it for a brand-spankin' new (no pun intended) ass angle. When I sent the pics along, I said, “for extra ambiance, play the live photos to hear the bathtub-filling-up sound effects.” The exhibit was very well-reviewed by the one art critic who viewed it.
Nude Tip #9: is a little something I like to call Birthday Tits.
Birthday Tits was one of my boyfriend’s birthday presents this year: two artistic and well-curated sets of nudes paired with the commentary. I sent one set at midnight when it became his birthday and one the following evening. Celebratory nudes are the perfect present for any occasion, and they’re free! A little extra attention to detail goes a long way, and it’s the gift that keeps on giving all year round whenever it’s time for him to jack off.
The final tip?
Nude Tip #10: if your partner is accepting nude donations, don’t be afraid to send them.
No matter what you come up with, they’re gonna love it; I promise. So, relax, find your angles, and (let your partner) enjoy the show.
Next up, I Fucked My Waiter And Ended Up Peeing Blood
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