How Our Jewellery Shows Our True Selves

If you take a step back for a second and start analyzing the habits of people (and what they wear), you’ll quickly come to realize that we tend to use jewelry as an indicator of who we are. We can wear the same pieces every day, without fail, to the point where they begin to become part of what makes us ourselves—where we get recognized by our comfort necklace or favorite earrings, like they’re part of our uniform. We like them so much that we choose them over something more convenient, expensive, coherent, or popular. These small indicators of personality can remind us of our true selves in times when we feel lost.

Okay, so you’ve just seen the light at the end of the tunnel of despair post-breakup, and you’ve reinvented your style to suit who you are now. But you shouldn’t have to change everything about who you are because this one person left. There are pieces of jewelry that will outlast the relationship and the subsequent crisis. These are what will remain unchanged in a period of chaos and transition. Ultimately, these will remind you that there was a time before them.

When I think of my favorites, they are definitely part of who I am and have nothing to do with my past relationships. I’m not me without the silver hoops my grandma bought for me for 10 euros on holiday, the ones I wear every day— the ones that single-handedly formed my taste in jewelry. I’m also not me without the bracelet my mum bought for me, which I’ll only take off if it breaks. Or the koi fish earring that would probably be my identifier if I died in a mysterious way.

Identity Indicators

Jewellery is such a powerful marker of identity. Think of the pieces that were formative to your person—the ones you’d be devastated to lose, the ones with value beyond their price tag. It’s a tradition that has spanned centuries and existed in so many cultures. We’re all joined by an urge to decorate ourselves with pretty things. We can see our culture, our history, and ourselves in something as simple as a bracelet.

Something so small might seem like just a mindless way of completing an outfit, but it’s so much more than that. Certain pieces of jewelry will see you through chapters of your life that are hidden to others. They can outlast pain, heartache, friendships, and relationships. They can feel reliable and permanent in a time riddled with temporary connections. When you’ve lost yourself—in a breakup, in a new city, or in a new stage—you look to the pieces you’ve always worn to bring you back to who you are. You may stray from them in times when you’re in conflict with yourself, in that one emo phase, or when you decided to only wear the gold Pandora collection your boyfriend-at-the-time got you (when you’re clearly a silver jewelry person). But someone who has come back to who they are will always return to the jewellery that feels like them.

Jewellery as a judge

Jewellery is also a really good judge of who in your life knows you best. We all know the classic gold or silver test—if someone doesn’t know which one you wear, you’re practically strangers. But, to take it a step further, you can be known, and then you can be understood. To be known is for someone to buy you silver jewelry. To be understood is for someone not to buy you earrings, because nothing will replace your favorites. Anyone can know you, but when someone understands you, you should take it as a sign to try and keep them in your life. Their recognition of your relationship with your jewelry is a simple indicator of how much they understand.

I was understood on my birthday when my best friends all chipped in to buy me a comfort necklace to replace the one from my recent ex that I wore every day. They knew how much it hurt to take it off after the breakup, so they bought me one that I was excited to wear.

Breaking up, but not with yourself

In a process like a breakup, you can forget who you are, because as your life changes drastically, it’s hard to remember how to stay the same. When you reinvent who you are with a new wardrobe, it can be the jewelry you wear that reminds you who you’ve always been. And though tragedies happen—you can leave your favourite earrings at an ex’s flat—your jewelry can still remind you of who you are at your core. It can ground you when you’re floating away from yourself. In times of conflict and pain, I return to the same earrings and the new necklace, because they remind me who I have always been. That’s an invaluable gift that jewelry grants.