How I, A Single Gal, Became More Attracted To Dildos Than Real Dick

Although becoming more attracted to your sex toys than the real deal sounds awful and hard to believe, the answer is actually quite simple! But I'll try to make it last a whole article:

As a woman with eight years of sexual experience behind me, I've had a dick or two to tame in my time. Note: yes, to tame. It's only recently I started reaching for the stars (and yes, you can read whatever you want into that lol) and going for the 30+ guys whose sexual components have already undergone massive tutoring in previous relationships. Although, having said that, 30+ guys are more emotionally fucked up than any man in their twenties because their "tutors" kind of... idk broke them or something. Also, they write you text messages, like, old school style, asking for your number, which is weird. Anyways, this article is reflecting on casual sex with men in their 20s. 

"Why do guys have such strong libidos?," I've often asked myself, and well... MAYBE it's because guys always have sex with the expectation of orgasm. If I knew I could expect cumming like an epileptic every time someone bought me a drink I would probably jump on every dick I saw. 
Well, I could have long rant about how the porn industry is educating people in the wonders of male ejaculation and teaching women to scream for joy the second a foreign object is placed inside the vag, but I don't have time for that and Fizzy Mag doesn't have enough space on their server for that so, never mind. Truth time: I don't orgasm every time I have sex. I can and I could but being penetrated with a straight finger with flossed cuticles does NOT make me cum. Just makes me get bad thrush. 

Anyways, I'm a fierce feminist who (almost) always claims her orgasm when doing the Oompa Loompa. But it's just SO FREAKING exhausting and frustrating to always have to educate men about me – and get comments like "others girls never had problems with my moves" and "can you even cum?" Like hon, "YES, I CAN CUM ALRIGHT. Either the gals before me got so sick of pretending that they faked it or they were blessed with being super sensitive in that area."

I love a good orgasm. Which is why my toy collection now counts six dildos and vibrators I can pleasure myself with anytime, anyhow, anyhard and for anylong I want. I can shuffle between sizes too, from my extra small dildo to my extra large one. I can have a hot coffee to sip on during the act. I can stop to scratch my ass and I can text with my unwitting friends simultaneously. And best of all: I expect multiple orgasms every time. Of course The Rabbit can't spoon me and The Womanizer can't kiss me but WHO needs intimacy when you have friends to love you and dildos to fuck you? 

Call me a lonely spinster – I don't care! At least I'm exploring my vagina, unlike on a one night stand when he's too drunk to finish you off. And I'm not bitter to masturbate! No! I'M HAPPY ON MY OWN!! I DON'T NEED A MAN TO KEEP ME SATISFIED!! *rusty coughing* ... also me: "been looking for love on Tinder for so long it almost ruined my life"..

So, how did I become more attracted to my sex toys than real dick? The answer is actually quite simple: real dick doesn't always listen, real dick always cums first and real dick cums and goes; vibrators stay. I'm not going to get all realistic and sentimental about how "we all need people to comfort us" and "there's no such thing as pillow talk" now, and I'm just going to lie and say that I prefer a dildo-packed nightstand over a core-shakingly amazing one night stand. It's as simple as that, miladies.

eEpilogue: Though, if all women were honest about their sex partners' sexual defects and told them to their face, the meat market for hetero women would be so much more exiting to shop at. Or men could just get their fucking act together and educate themselves in how to navigate down there. Jesus Christ, if us women can make it happen so should they. Just saying. 
 

Do you think all relationships have wack and boring sex? Read about why we need to rethink that attitude here!