Sex Toy Of The Day: The Myth, The Legend, The Rabbit!
Unless they wanna push the buttons on my Rabbit for me, I suggest we just get rid of dicks already.
Alright, time to review the infamous God of sex toys – the sex toy to end all sex toys, but enlighten all orgasms:
The legend
The myth
The vibrating and…
the THRUSTING...
The creature I’m talking about is of course THE RABBIT.
Rating: 6.5/10
Carrie has one, Miranda and Samantha have one, Charlotte has one and now, I have one.
When I unpacked the purple beast, I don’t remember whether it was a “wow” or jaw-drop situation but I do remember thinking, “look at the size of that thing, can it even fit inside me?” Like, legit – seeing things like the Rabbit really makes you think about deep matters like the size of your vagina.
It was actually kinda like unpacking a Barbie doll, or looking into a box of kittens for sale on the street. You open the box and see the purple cock-rabbit-metamorphose in there like, “please pretty lady, please take me home with you.”
I removed it from the box – it was soft and smooth, unlike a real dick – and put in the batteries (they’re bought separately by the way). It was almost as if I'd put in an electrified heart that would bring the creature back to life after a long and deep slumber – cute Frankenstein's monster vibes. I only had to push one button for the little bunny rabbit to start vibrating like a maniac.
After experiencing the 10 different vibration settings, I found an unknown button that I later discovered opens a portal to somewhere between heaven and hell, somewhere between my legs.
Sweet Smile Rabbit Vibrator: $95
I had already noticed what seemed to be a simulated foreskin and a dick head (I thought about using the word penis, but there is nothing about this thing that can or should be described anatomically correct) on the shaft and I initially thought it was just for the looks. But nah, the damn thing started thrusting. THIS RABBIT THRUSTS.
That was when I also started wondering why men even exist – since women, with the help of brains, science and modern technology, can reproduce themselves, run big businesses AND have sex toys that automatically THRUST. Well, call me easy to impress but never have I ever seen anything like it… it even thrusts in three different intensities.
Alrighty then. Lemme now explain my experience with it.
The Rabbit is pretty heavy – not that it really matters since most of it goes inside of you, but it can seem pretty intimidating. Also, it’s quite thick – four centimeters in diameter – and rock hard. I’ve always been a firm believer in “size matters,” but this one only just fit in there and the dick itself was "only" 12.5 centimeters long – not exactly a number I consider an impressingly big porn-cock length, but I guess I was wrong. Having said that, the thrust fucktion is extremely helpful if you’re a lazy ass like me. It’s pretty much designed for smashing the cervix, but I thought a lil' outside of the box; I pointed it to the G-spot at a 25-degree angle, propped it up with my foot and then, yeah, it was smashing… humans are creative animals and this one craves G-spot stimuli.
Then there’s the Rabbit itself: so, it consists of a body and two ears. The vibrator is basically the body, and the silicone ears are placed on each side of the clit to gently massage it. I kinda wish the vibrator went all the way into the ears as well, instead of just letting the ears just kinda bring the “after vibrations” from the actual body. Even though the clit is left with only little stimuli, it’s nice to have the space between your vag and clit stimulated. The actual Rabbit works when you hold the shaft still in a “normal” position – not just propping it up with your feet in all kinds of different ways.
The final verdict: very nice but bizarre as hell. It made me orgasm but when I think back to the sex act with what's essentially a dead, thrusting object with moving ears, the body and soul of the machine sticks in my mind more than the actual orgasm.
The thrusting was nice but it’s just a really heteronormative sex toy designed for girls who like boys and not for girls who are boys who like boys to be girls who do boys like they're girls who do girls like they're boys, if ya know what I mean…
The amazing, the legendary and the very fascinating “Rabbit” retails for $95 at Orion.de, and I have to admit that the experience of this thing on the whole is going to be worth the buy. Like, you’ll never need a man again.
Stay tuned for the next review!
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