Bell Hooks on Love: A Guide to Understanding, Healing, and Commitment

In her insightful exploration of love, Bell Hooks offers a profound understanding of what it truly means to love and be loved. Through her definitions and perspectives, she provides a guide to identifying and cultivating love, healing within relationships, and finding love in various aspects of life beyond romance. This article delves into her key concepts, offering a roadmap to building and sustaining meaningful, loving connections.

Defining love

You cannot find love if you don't know what you're looking for. Bell Hooks defines love as a mix of seven ingredients; care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, trust, and communication. With these ingredients, you can know what to ask for in love and what to give to build the foundation of a loving relationship.

Healing

Contrary to a lot of writing these days Bell Hooks doesn't think you have to be healed to be in a relationship. Instead, you have to start healing and be open to continued healing for as long as it takes for you to become whole. The book describes love as something that will aid you in your journey if you allow it, so if you find real love you are another step towards feeling fulfilled and healed.

Outside of romance

It's not just within romantic relationships. You can find healing love in friends, family, community, and spirituality. In fact, this is where people usually experience love for the first time. The love we have between friends should be the minimum of what we expect from romantic partners. The book has a whole chapter on how you can find love within spirituality, the kind that allows you to flourish as a person. This does require finding the kind of spiritualism that is truly loving which is different for everyone. 

Commitment

Commitment may seem like an obvious thing but to Bell Hooks it goes deeper, you need to continue to choose your person over and over. The best example of this is arranged marriages, people who have to actively decide to love their partner instead of letting fate wave her wand. Arranged marriages have significantly less desired divorces. So for long-lasting love, you have to commit to staying in love, you have to commit to following the definition of love, and so does your partner.