Amber Rose's Sex Therapist Shares Some Self-Pleasure Wisdom
Get to grips with your bits.
It's ridiculous, but female masturbation is still a taboo subject, making many of us feel dirty or ashamed for indulging in something that is completely natural, healthy and, above all, pleasurable. You only have to check out infographics like these to see what effect that stigma has on our approach to masturbation, with less women masturbating than men and the large majority of women not masturbating in the past year. Let's let that sink in: THE PAST YEAR. And don't tell us it's because we're just not as horny as men; we've been conditioned to feel this way for eons.
That's why it's so important that we continue to have open conversations about female masturbation, not only to normalize it, but to give us back the control over our own bodies, to empower ourselves and ultimately explore what makes us feel good. Talking to Galore, sex therapist to the stars Dr. Chris Donaghue sounds off on what we could all be doing to improve our self-pleasure. Read on for his expert advice.
Evaluate the influence of the media on your self-image
“Anyone who's starting out in the world of masturbation and toys should stop following media that is body negative, or all about thinspo,” Dr. Chris said. Many of his clients admit that the reason they struggle with their sexuality is because the images they consume have convinced them their bodies are undesirable. Relatable.
Follow body-positive feminists
“The things you surround yourself with internalize who you want to become,” he said – and let's face it, nobody ever feels good scrolling through vegan meal plan pages or stalking the Victoria's Secret Angels. According to Dr. Chris, we should cut out this damaging habit and follow body-positive feminists instead. Not only will we inevitably feel better, but we'll find healthy guidance for our own body discovery, which will support our sexual awakening.
Cut out IRL negative influences
“It's all about language, so really start to pay attention to how you and those around you talk about sex and other bodies,” he said. That means reconsidering relationships with slut-shaming friends or guys who give you negative comments about your body. You deserve much better than that anyway, and all of this negativity will only hamper your own self-pleasure.
Make masturbation a priority
“You have to tell yourself that you want to make masturbation something that's a part of your life, and in order to do that, you should do some research with different articles,” Dr. Chris explains. Make sure you're setting aside enough time for your “you time” and to research all of the wonderful masturbation tools and techniques.
Talk about masturbation
“Talk about it. Not talking about something just shows shame and guilt,” he said. Let's deconstruct this stigma once and for all!
Don't be shy
“I'm a huge fan of going to an actual sex shop,” Dr. Chris advised. “You can order something quickly and discreet online but that's reinforcing the idea that it should be quick or discreet.” It might feel a little awkward at first but it's a sign that you are willing to commit to your own sexual exploration – inside and outside of the bedroom. Even better if you make it a girls' day out: “Take friends with you. Don't go in there nervous and giggling, go in there confident.”
Finally, introduce your partner
“The act of talking to your partner about the fact that you have a sex toy and want to use it together is not only a sign of intimacy but its a sign of care and trust,” Dr. Chris explains. “Confidently tell them that you want them to know more about you.” Be specific about wanting to make your masturbation something that's part of the relationship – any healthy partner should gladly oblige.
Now, here's how to improve your sexual confidence.
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