Achieving Closure In A World Of Ghosting

“He’s just not that into you.”


In the dating world today, it seems that closure has become a thing of the past. We live in a digital land filled with ghosting, breadcrumbing and mind games. Being offered no sense of explanation when a relationship comes to an end has become the norm. The clarification of a break up now comes from being left on read or from never hearing from that person again.

If we know this is the case, why do we still wait for a text message that we know we’ll never receive? It’s hard not to take things personally when you suddenly lose contact with someone but remember: this usually says more about them than it does about you. Dating is unfortunately not a straight-forward process so you need to be straight-up with yourself.

If you have recently been ghosted by someone or a budding relationship ends before any labels could be attached, think to yourself: 

  • Did this person really make me happy?
  • Were they consistent with their attention?
  • Did I feel like a priority to them?
  • Had this person always been honest with me?
  • Did this person ever make me doubt myself?

The chances are, if things didn’t work out with someone, the answer is no to at least one of these questions.

So, how can you gain a sense of closure today if a break-up wasn’t your decision? Through acceptance. Accept that sometimes people can lose interest. Accept that sometimes you are not compatible with someone. And finally, accept that sometimes things won’t work out. Acceptance definitely requires a sense of tough-love but it will help you to achieve closure more quickly.

If it turns out that someone is just not into you, that’s okay. It will hurt at the moment but you will find someone who is. If a person has led you on, that sucks too. But remember, you will live. If you feel bad about how someone has treated you, remind yourself: if they were capable of doing this to you, why would you want to be with them? Once you recognize this, you can now address how you feel and move on. It’s as blunt as that.


Here's a personal story about the dangers of dating apps: Fuck Dating Apps: How My Tinder Addiction Nearly Ruined My Life