Why 'Friends With Benefits' Never Works

This is a lose-lose situation.


You have probably heard of the term 'friends with benefits' or even found yourself in a similar situation. If you've been living under a rock and are unfamiliar with the phrase, it means being friends with someone and occasionally having a casual, intimate/sexual relationship with them. For those who are not ready for commitment or don't want to be in a serious relationship, this may be an ideal solution.

Being intimate with someone and not feeling anything for them is a difficult thing to accept, but some people think it can work, though it doesn't always succeed. In retrospect, a 'friends with benefits' relationship seems like a great idea, but when examining its pros and cons, it becomes evident that this type of relationship will hardly ever work.

Listed below are ten problems with 'friends with benefits'.

1. Catching Feelings

For people who have emotions, getting physical with someone and not having feelings towards them is rare, because both individuals have crossed a line in terms of intimacy. If a person is not used to being intimate with someone they do not know well, then this is more likely to happen. Once one person starts feeling a type of way they may start to distance themselves in fear of getting emotionally attached.

2. It's Unfulfilling

A person can feel unfulfilled when they are in a situation that is strictly for sexual and physical pleasure, and they may feel that there is something missing in their lives. People have a hierarchy of needs which we can refer to in Maslow's Motivation Model, which is a hierarchy of needs and the theory of human motivation. Using the terms psychological, safety, belonging, and love, social needs, or esteem, and self-actualization, the model explains and demonstrates patterns of each individual's motivation and needs. It should be kept in mind that the 'friends with benefits' situation generally focuses on a sexual basis only, so that alone will be unfulfilling. This may not happen right away, but over time it will become more predominant.

3. Distracts You From Starting A Meaningful Relationship

Participating in a 'friends with benefits' situation will take up your time, which could be better spent looking for someone who can provide you with more than just physical and sexual needs if that's what you are seeking.

4. It Is A Way Out Of Commitment For People That Are Afraid Of It

In the case of someone who is not committed to a relationship or for someone who tries to avoid it for whatever reason, having a 'friends with benefits' relationship stops them from facing other demons. It can lead to a lot of relationships based on sex for the individual, and it can be a never-ending cycle for the individual and the other people involved.

5. It Can Get Stressful

Putting effort into this type of relationship can be stressful in the long run as what you are feeling may not be recuperated making you overthink and stress out.

6. It Is Not Healthy

There is the possibility of STDs or even unplanned pregnancies when engaging in casual sex with another person. Taking precautions like using condoms or contraception is important to prevent these risks.

7. Confusion

There can be confusion when the way you see each other differs from day to day. One day you may feel connected with each other while other times it may just be a sexual encounter. When this occurs, it can be extremely confusing, which is why it should either be one or the other as it sends out mixed signals to all involved.

8. Jealousy May Arise

In the course of being 'friends with benefits' for quite some time and getting to know someone in the process, it is only natural to feel slightly jealous at times. An example would be seeing someone's name pop up on their phone.

9. You May Have To Hide How You Really Feel

When you hold back your true feelings towards another person, this can be frustrating, and eventually, this will unravel, especially if you are someone who is honest and upfront about things. As a result, you end up hurting yourself by keeping your emotions inside, so it is better to express yourself early on to save yourself time and energy.

10. You Are Wasting Each-others Time

Ah, time - an irreplaceable commodity. Our time is precious and should be spent wisely, which is why putting effort into spending time with someone and it not going somewhere can be a challenge when you think about it - even if the sex is amazing. Generally, you must be honest with your wants and needs and decide if you are okay with that then you should continue it but if you are not you should be confident enough to put a stop to it and live your life.

In conclusion, it is important to know what you want and to be clear about things when entering this type of situation.

It keeps everyone involved on the same page and it keeps things open for discussion or communication.


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