From Hot To Not: Why Your New BF Is Boring Already
Addicted To The Chase
We all know that person who says, “I really love the build up to Christmas, the late night shopping, the festive air, the street markets, catching up over drinks with friends, but Christmas Day is often a bit deflating.” Most people can relate to this. You spend an entire month (maybe longer if your friends can stand it!) hyping up the fact that it’s going to be Christmas very soon. Doing all things Christmassy like making a thousand wreaths out of leaves that by very design, don’t want to be touched (ouch prickly!) but when Christmas Day rolls around, it’s absolute chaos and before you know it the whole thing is over. But what if you feel that way about relationships? Let’s set the scene. You meet THE guy. The flirting is non stop at the party and you exchange numbers. You spend the next few days on edge, until he finally texts you. The butterflies in your stomach are doing the cha-cha slide and the sexting is on point. Every text that bleeps through to your iphone is laden with innuendo and is a welcome distraction from the mundane day you’re having. You meet up for your first official date and it ends, VERY well. You replay the whole event in your head for days. Every. Little. Detail. Until one day when he finally asks you to be, gulp, the girlfriend and you know it’s all over. A few days later, the butterflies are hibernating, a text from lover boy carries as much caché as a text from mom and you know you’ll be on to the next squeeze as soon as he arrives.
For some of us, no matter how much we think we want somebody, once we get them, the excitement fizzles away quicker than a sparkler on a birthday cake and there’s nothing we can do to stop it. We presume once Mr Right comes along, we’ll know because the butterflies simply won’t disappear but in reality we’re stuck in a rut. It’s called being addicted to the chase. And it can be play havoc with our love lives.
What Does Being Addicted To The Chase Actually Mean?
Nobody can be actually addicted to chasing somebody (we don’t think!) but they can be addicted to the adrenaline it induces. Adrenaline works in mysterious ways. She’s the reason you don’t feel tired or hungry after a non stop 12 hour shift at the bar and she’s the reason you’ve never felt better after only 2 hours sleep before your highly anticipated holiday. Much in the same way some people get addicted to the endorphins released after exercise and as a result, get crabby if they skip a day at the gym, some people are addicted to the feeling of enlightenment that adrenaline gives them. Unfortunately, the chances of you striking lucky with someone that can hold your attention even after the adrenaline dissipates isn’t very high, sorry to burst that bubble but recognizing you’re an adrenaline junkie is the first step to wellness!
Why Do We Get An Adrenaline Rush From The Chase?
Essentially it’s the fear of the unknown. The will he or won’t he. When you’re in a relationship, the last thing you think you want to feel is the fear of losing the person. But this is exactly what getting excited by the chase is. The idea that anything can happen, that your flirty rapport hangs in the balance and could easily tip one way or another. It’s the excitement that in a room full of hot as fuck women, he chooses you. Of course, in a relationship, he chooses you too but it’s expected, a given even and the feeling of being chosen doesn’t carry the same weight. Some women are always attracted to fuckboys and this is because fuckboys have the art of the chase down to a T. After all, they’ve had a lot of practice. While fuckboys may be the main culprit for keeping you on edge, eventually you’ll tire of that. The real problem is when it’s a good old fashioned chase with a nice boy and you enjoy the chase a little too much, maybe even more than the boy himself.
What Can You Do?
To try and break the habit will be hard, but ultimately doable. Patient and practice is key. The best way to do this is to work hard at keeping the relationship as fresh and as exciting as possible and whatever you do, avoid routine! Just because you’re now an item doesn’t mean the chase has to stop exactly. Continue to send those flirty texts and keep each other on your toes. Allow for a little mystery, keep those boundaries in check and one day, if he does turn out to be Mr. Right, you’ll realize that you probably are still addicted to the chase, but the only one you want to chase is him.