What Your Tinder Profile's Favorite Movie Really Says About You
Deconstructing fuckboy appearances online via their movie picks.
Picture this: The restaurant smells of re-used frying oil. If you hadnt arrived with your date, you might have blamed it on him, his hair slicked back, with this unnatural shine, like the oil floating on top of the mediocre soup you order. Conversation drags. Small talk down the sidewalk, the same old, tired what-do-you-do-where-are-you-froms. Twenty-something years of living condense into a minute of conversation. But he seemed so intelligent and interesting and edgy on his dating profile?!
Horrible first dates are the worst kind of disappointment. Especially in a time where it's just so easy to create an exaggerated hipster version of yourself on Tinder. Put some sassy Tumblr quotes on there and pass them off as your own and name-drop some intellectual movies to show how super (pop-)cultured you are and have something to kick-start the conversation with.
And we kind of get it! We have only few opportunities to impress the people we fancy. I mean youre trying to convince a living, breathing human being to actually have sex with you in the limited space an online profile provides you. Better seem like a literate, well-rounded, cultured person and tell everyone you just SO dig old French black-and-white movies.
Too bad were here to quickly, ironically, call all of you fuckboys out on your Tinder profiles favorite movie because here is what it REALLY says about you.
The Big Lebowski
You have a lads group chat in which your friends regularly roast you for being whipped any time you display a modicum of affection towards us.
You have cast yourself as the tragic, misunderstood antihero of a film soundtracked by french bands last popular in the 70s, and you will ghost us after four dates because youre busy creating things and you just cant give us what we need.
Did coke once and feels its important everybody knows about it.
Breakfast at Tiffanys
You tell us you like it when a girl is complicated and that youre the type of guy who wants to get to know the real us deep down also, you say things like Id like to fuck a hooker once, just to see if Id be so good I dont have to pay.
The Wolf of Wallstreet
Your parents still pay your rent and you genuinely believe that feminism has gone too far.
You have had sincere internet arguments about atheism as recently as 2014. Also, you think literally everything is deep and meaningful except our feelings, which are irrational.
Literally ANY Jean-Luc-Godard movie EVER
You will dump us - repeatedly - for a girl with a blunt fringe who smokes way too much.
Any Harry Potter movie
You have had little to no intellectual development since you were 11 years old.
Rebel Without a Cause
You once had detention in Year 9 and you will tell us about it at length.
You don't like talking and just dont believe in labels (are fucking about 85 other women).
You have loves travelling in your Tinder bio because you went to Spain. Once.
Your emotional register consists almost entirely of send nudes.
Lost In Translation
Unlike your ex-girlfriend, who was crazy and typically girly, were just not like other girls. Lucky us!
Dead Poets Society
Exactly like Lost In Translation but will also explain feminism to us.
Exactly like Dead Poets Society but you haven't changed your sheets for four months.
Next up,3 ideas for a dope date night straight out of an indie movie