The Great 'Dating App' Depression

It all began with an inquisitive download. Even your thumb felt a tingle while it pressed ‘create account’ – the digital pathway into the 21st century’s newfound creation of finding love. It commences as an innocent journey into modern courting, and within the first few moments, you’re introduced to what seems like an endless stream of attractive profiles. Similar to an online catalog but of cute guys with their cute pets, marketing themselves with short and sweet bios or prompts of who they are, and why they could be the perfect man for you. 

“I know the best spot In town for” – “Pizza”, one man's Hinge prompt proclaims, and you love pizza. 

“This year, I really want to” – “Be able to go a day without drinking a gallon of coffee”, he loves coffee and is kind of funny. It pulled your interest in further. 

“Typical Sunday” – “A long hike to anywhere”, nature walks every week? You’re ready to sign up.

And just like that, one tap of a heart symbol and you’ve matched. The conversation begins excitingly, the average small talk introduces you to the attractive internet stranger, and then he asks to meet tonight, which feels soon so you say – “not tonight, maybe next week?”– you’re busy anyway. By day two, his replies begin to slow and the initial conversation excitement fades out until there’s no reply at all. This type of disappointment repeats again, and again, and again but in slightly different variations. One guy is calling you his girlfriend already, or another has just gotten out of a relationship, or the other guy admits to not wanting anything serious right now. This is what becomes the dating app cycle, a cycle which is leading dating apps to their seemingly inevitable demise, at least for female users.

A recent survey polled by Forbes Health has revealed that 79% of Gen Z and 80% of Millennials are feeling fatigued by dating apps, with Gen X following behind at 78% and Baby Boomers at 70%. Why? 40% reason it with not being able to find a good connection with someone, 35% was due to being disappointed by people, while 27% was as a result of feeling rejected. 

Further causes of app fatigue included 41% of respondents feeling deterred due to experience with being ghosted, 38% being catfished and 27% experiencing love bombing. Dr. Rufus Tony Spann, a certified sex therapist and Forbes Health Advisory Board member notes that – “many say that people on the apps swipe and don’t talk, reach out just for sex, or begin the conversation and then ghost if they find something wrong with the conversation or person.” 

Female users of dating apps in particular have experienced a large burnout, with their dating app fatigue percentage at 80% and male users at 74%. Though a 6% difference doesn’t seem too large, when analysing the vast gender disparity amongst users, with Bumble's active male users accounting for 67.4% and Tinder’s at 75%, active female users at 32.6% and 25%, a 2:1 and 3:1 ratio of men to women – the 6% difference is substantial. 

The burnout felt by many female users alongside the prevalent hook-up culture amplified on digital dating platforms has now encouraged some to move towards celibacy. For some, this move is a rejection of the poor and/or aggressive treatment of women regarding sexual motivation on the apps, and for those who want to seek more than just hook-ups or casual relationships. This shared step toward celibacy and therefore exit from dating apps for some female users sent dating app giants into a user scarcity fear, with Bumble recently issuing an apology after removing their controversial campaign to combat this growing stance, by advertising to women that “a vow of celibacy is not the answer” – which instead of attracting more female sign-ups, resulted in a revolt against it.

Now, will this fatigue last forever? We hope not. Those who found long-term success from dating apps can offer some optimism. Though within the digital structure of superficiality, the requirement for quick dopamine hits and the endless cycle of looking for perfection, dating apps have a long way to go to improve their user’s quality of experience when in hopes of finding – ‘the one’.