What You Actually Want To Wear: A Guide

At various points during our lifetimes, we seem to go through stages of transition (like a move or a breakup), where we outgrow our lives quicker than our wardrobes can keep up. When we get to a moment of still afterwards, we face the scary realisation that our clothes no longer reflect who we have become. You can’t keep wearing what you used to, as it’s not true to who you are now, but there’s still a newfound unfamiliarity between you and this new stage of life. So, you have to undergo the daunting task of figuring out a new style that suits the new you.

Instead of telling you what to wear, here are some tips on deciphering what you want to wear, to help your style play catch up to your changed life.  

A motivating media presence

An easy way to do this without having to leave your bed is by being online. It feels morally ambiguous for me to be recommending this when we all could probably do with a lowered screen time, but trust me, this is actually a good way to be exposed to different styles. You can do this by scouring Pinterest for inspiration or simply by watching TV shows, more specifically, the ultimate TV show – Sex and the City.

Next time you tune into the girls’ escapades, try to notice which character’s outfits seem to linger in your mind for the longest time. We all know that the only infinitely wise and reliable personality test will always be whether you are a Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, or Charlotte (I’m a Carrie, obviously). So why not go beyond the personality test and find out which one of the girls is the best representation of your style? Use this to inspire your change in dress sense. Important note: you don’t have to align with their personality, to agree with their style; it’s not the character that you identify with the most, it's the one whose wardrobe you’d want to steal.

If you’re not into Sex and the City, this can be done with almost any TV show; you just have to make sure you’re paying attention to what they’re wearing (and not the plot).

Style education

My next tip: go to uni - if not to study, then just to people watch. Study a humanities degree, and go to your lecture 5 minutes early, just to sink into your seat whilst you begin to feel massively inferior to the coolest people you will ever meet, who just happen to be studying the same subject as you. Instead of paying attention to the lecture, spend your time analysing labels and trying to figure out where the people whom you’re in silent awe of get their clothes from.

At the same uni, make new friends, and copy how they all formulate their outfits. Pay attention to whether they coordinate their clothes based on shape, colour, texture, or vibe. Look at how they accessorise, and the jewellery that has become a canonical part of their character. The clothes you find yourself complimenting or asking to borrow too often are the ones that you should be seeking out for your wardrobe.

Generational Style

If the uni life isn’t for you, another way of figuring out what you like is by embracing hand-me-downs. How do you do this? Have a mum who never got rid of any of her old clothes from the 90s and 2000s. Then, steal all her clothes – for this to work, you must either be the favourite child or good at fighting! As her clothes won’t necessarily be on trend by contemporary standards, this is a great way of finding out whether you like something for what it is, and not because of the media's praise. If you don’t have relatives whose clothes you can steal, then you can always go into a vintage/thrift shop for the same effect.

Reinventing yourself after heartbreak

The most drastic way, but potentially the most effective way, is to go through a soul-shattering breakup and realise you have no idea who you are when you’re not with them. The massive change that’s induced by a breakup can be a surprising muse for a new style. Embrace the spiral that comes after the 5 stages of breakup grief, and look at your newly bare closet (a result of the anger-induced purge of all their clothes) and realise that you have no clothes, and no perception of yourself as a single person. Instead of calling your friends in tears and re-entering the depression stage, pick yourself up, dry your eyes, and go shopping! Look for clothes that you like, clothes that you can imagine the healed version of yourself wearing.

Style Discovery

Discovering our style can be as simple as listening to who we are. Sometimes, it doesn’t feel that simple, but often it is. There is nothing more intimidating than having to rediscover yourself and what you wear after a period of transition. Especially because it feels like something that should come naturally to us. But, occasionally, we lose ourselves. All we can hope to do is find out who we are when we’re in the clear, and with it, find our new style.