10 Signs Your Boyfriend Is A Secret Psychopath
He's a grade-A flatterer.
Remember all those times you side-eyed your boyfriend for coming home late from work – like, it took you 45 minutes to get home, Google Maps says it only takes 30. WHO IS SHE? – or when you gave him the cold shoulder just because a member of the opposite sex popped up in his Facebook chat window? While this behavior is a bit extreme, it doesn't literally make you a psycho, despite what men love to tell you. Because, to be completely frank, real psychopaths don't give themselves away so easily.
What if it's actually the other way around – what if your guy's been a secret psychopath all along? He's probably not going to look like Jack Torrance from The Shining, have a devil-red glint in his eyes or a strange insistence on talking about serial killers over cornflakes. Psychopaths can actually be extremely charming. Unless you recognize the signs, it's too easy to be hypnotized and fall unwittingly into a psychopath's grasp, only to be completely floored when you eventually find out who he really is. Don't worry though, we totally got your back on this one. Here are ten telltale signs your bae might be a psychopath.
He listens to Justin Bieber
Don't belieb us? Actually, turns out figuring out how much of a psycho you are is as easy as choosing your favorite pop banger! The Washington Post reports that NYU psychology professor Pascal Wallisch and recent NYU grad Nicole Leal gave a questionnaire to 190 NYU students to investigate whether particular genre preferences correlate to psychopathy levels. Whereas you might be thinking that classical music is up there, thanks to movies like A Clockwork Orange or The Silence of the Lambs, it turns out that the songs with the highest correlation were Eminem's “Lose Yourself,” Backstreet's “No Diggity” and Bieber's “What Do You Mean.” Not the most scientifically accurate experiment, but something to think about...
He's a grade-A flatterer
Although this might sound pretty ideal, extreme flattery can be a telltale sign of psychopathy. On your first date, he'll likely be shelling out the compliments left right and center – telling you how stunning, intelligent, witty or charming you are. And if you have any insecurities, he'll be fast to counter them and tell you how much he loves you for them – he's playing right into your vulnerability. This “love bombing” technique is a sure fire way to get you hooked, and once he snaps, you might worryingly find yourself using this idealization phase as justification that deep down he's still a good guy.
You have everything in common
Psychopaths will try to convince you that you're soul mates – the perfect match. He might say he has all of the same interests as you or that he has experienced similar things in the past. Picked up a strange liking for deep-fried tarantula on your 2015 Cambodia travels? Shitttt that's so strange, me too! Had a troubled childhood? He wrote a book on the psychological effects of parental separation. This is called mirroring. Your psychopath bae is basically just reflecting your identity right back onto you.
He loves pity
You'd think he was the most unfortunate guy alive. When it comes to relationships, his crazy ex-girlfriend is still tormenting him, his best mate tried stealing from him, his mom's a control freak. Where his health is concerned, he may have miraculously survived a fatal incident just last week, or he may have a rare condition that makes his life a nightmare, despite seeming just fine. These things could be true of course, so whatever you do, don't be a dick about it, but if something doesn't sound right, try to check out his stories a bit and see if it all adds up.
He's a bedroom bonanza
He's been giving you the best sex of your life. Unlike most guys, he takes care to bring you to orgasm every single time and he knows just what to do to drive you crazy. Again, fucking marvelous. A guy being great at sex doesn't instantly equate him to a psychopath (LOL) but psychopaths will go out of their way to please you in order to get you hooked. Once his wonder cock has done its job, he might suddenly withdraw until you find yourself begging for it.
The cracks are starting to show
A psychopath might blurt out strange things out of nowhere. You might be having a lovely day, until suddenly he says, “I'm cheating on you,” sending you into a whirlwind of tears and WTFs. Best of all, he will then turn around and either deny it or tell you he was just joking. This kind of behavior is a deliberate way to make you question yourself, to throw you completely off balance and dig into your vulnerability. Do you hear those alarm bells?
He's ghosting you
You fell head over heels in love with him. You think you've found the one. He may have even put a ring on it. Now, he's giving you the silent treatment and is disappearing for days at a time. You may start feeling that you've done something wrong – he may even tell you that to devalue you further. In reality, he's probably off finding another victim.
He's making you jealous
A psychopath is an expert at engineering obsession, and he does this by giving you everything and then taking it away – just like that. When he pulls away, you suddenly find yourself being dependent on him, needing his attention, begging for sex. He may even throw another player into the mix to get you jealous and destroy you just that little bit more, for example an ex-girlfriend, a female friend, or a super-hot celebrity that he won't shut up about. A psychopath will genuinely believe that he can have anyone he wants, so you'd better be on your best behavior because the replacement chicks are ready and waiting.
He's dumped you
Again, a guy is totally within his rights to end the relationship, but if he dumps you coldly and completely out of nowhere even though he's supposed to be in love with you, it could be a sign he's a psychopath who's grown bored and is moving onto the next target. Remember, psychopaths don't have empathy, so it's not that there's anything wrong with you – he just literally doesn't give a flying fuck.
He's haunting you
He may have dumped you but that doesn't mean he doesn't somehow still think you're his property. If he senses you're over him, he might suddenly start pleading you to stay together and telling you everything that you want to hear. If you're getting sweet with someone else, he'll likely want to destroy any chance of that happening. The only way to get rid of a psychopath is to cut off contact completely. That way he's got no chance to continue his games.
Of course, there are plenty of absolute assholes who could engage in any one of these psychopathic behaviors without actually being a psychopath, but if you spot any of these telltale signs, it's good to stay vigilant. Psychopath or not, you deserve much better than poor treatment, mind games and insecurity, and you need him much less than you might think you do. If it's not feeling good, GTFO.
Now, here's how to stop fighting about sex.