How To Dress Like A Performative Man To Get Attention
The modern manic-pixie-dream-man.
Is this you? You’re sick of being ignored, and you’re looking for a way to tell people that you’re different from all the other men. Your screen time’s gone up, your roster is nonexistent, and you’re starting to really resonate with what all the TikToks are saying about the ‘male loneliness epidemic’. You want a girlfriend, well, a situationship that you can love bomb and then string along for 6 months whilst you “figure things out” because you’re “not ready for a relationship yet”. But you’re just not sure how to get attention from women! Well, listen close because your attention span’s probably not long enough to hear this twice: the solution you’re seeking is to become the (definitely not performative) male version of the manic pixie dream girl.
Ah, the manic pixie dream girl, a trope known by all and loved by men in romcoms! The time has come for the manic pixie dream girl to reinvent itself as a trope (despite it being less of a trope and more of an excuse to put female movie characters on a pedestal). And this time, it has reached the men, with the new “performative man” being this generation’s masculine version of the archetype. Did we ask for this? No! Has it nonetheless breached its way onto the streets and our Hinge profiles? Unfortunately, yes.
Alas, if you can’t beat them, join them! And by now, you’ve probably had enough run-ins with this “creative” type that you could probably write a guide on how to become one. I definitely have… So, here’s a guide on how to become one!
The outfit
Let’s get you dressed! Starting with the base, choose a loose fit of jeans which sit right at your hips, so your boxers just peek above the waistline. Pair them with a baggy t-shirt, which is ever-so-slightly cropped so you can see the cheeky waistband of your boxers when you lift up your arms – which you’re obviously doing every 5 minutes when you order your date a glass of red wine (she asked for white) and a pint of Guiness (for yourself - that you make her pay for) across a crowded bar, before promptly only talking about yourself for the rest of the date, who said chivalry was dead?
Next, you must add an oversized woollen cardigan, for the softer, stolen-from-Harry-Styles look, that is so compatible with the illusion of being boyfriend-material! If that’s not for you, you can substitute this for a structured work jacket (the Carhartt ones), even though you work in a creative field, and wear way too many rings to be able to claim that you actually work with your hands.
For footwear, either choose a skinny trainer, in an obnoxiously bright colour (if you’re not sure what style to go for, just look to whatever’s gone viral on TikTok), or you can pick a Doc Marten loafer/shoe to allude to academia in some sense. If neither of those feel ‘authentic’ enough for you, then maybe opt for a Birkenstock clog (you know, the ones which are everywhere) to make you appear down-to-earth, or like super chill.
Accessories
First rule of thumb: you should never leave your house without the surface-level feminist literature that you pretend to read on public transport! This is not only your life-source, but the most important part of every outfit. You get bonus points if the book is covered in incoherent annotations, which hold thoughts like “what?”, or “yes!”. You also need to ensure that you’re carrying around an iced-matcha that is inexplicably always half full.
To carry all your spare rings, and your feminist literature, you need to carry around a tote bag (any will suffice). As well, it’s important that you’re also always wearing some form of headphones, because how else would you be able to have your romcom-esque elevator moment where a pretty girl says “I love Clairo” after overhearing what you’re listening to.
Talking Points
Besides the obvious tendency to avoid being a functional partner at any cost, the performative man will frequent certain phrases, that will make them easily identifiable in a crowd. If you want to adopt their ways, you must start saying things like “yeah, I just think that women have it so hard” and “I’m just like, the creative type”, and all other things that create the impression of a pretty decent person, at first.
In conversations, make sure to ask the other person lots of questions, just to not listen to their answers, or to interrupt them (as what you have to say is so much more interesting). You should ask them about their taste in movies and music, and then scoff, showing obvious distaste at every answer they give, unless they talk about liking Clairo or Pulp Fiction, in which case, you should marry them!
Go forth and perform!
So, there you have it, a guide to the components of how to become a performative man or, the modern-male version of the manic pixie dream girl. It should be noted that not all of the people who dress like this seem to come with a tendency to be insufferable to hold a conversation with, it just seems to be a theme.
You may be wondering, does this outfit come with self-awareness, or an actual ability to form a personality outside of what you’ve seen on TikTok? No, sorry mate, it doesn’t. But enjoy the pedestal that you’ve created for yourself lads, hopefully now you actually match the height on your dating profile!
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