Missing Satisfaction In The Bedroom? How To Ask For What You Want

Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or pursuing a series of flings, what goes down in the bedroom is super important. And with a successful sexual relationship comes fulfillment and satisfaction. But how can you be satisfied if your partner doesn’t actually know what you want? This is where communication comes in...

We know it can be difficult to communicate what you want, most of the time we’ve never actually asked ourselves what turns us on! But somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist Holly Richmond explains that communication of preferences is important because if our or our partner's preferences and we want someone else, it can be less hurtful. Also, you can’t complain about dissatisfaction if you haven’t told them how to satisfy you! The numbers back it up too, a 2016 study in the Journal of Sex Research found that rates of satisfaction and maintenance of passion were higher among those who had sex more frequently, receive more oral sex and had consistent orgasms. Sound like something you’re after? Well, Dr. Richmond has shared an exercise to help you open up to your partner about what you want in the bedroom.

The exercise takes five minutes and consists of four steps so let's get into it!

1. Grab your sexual partner and most importantly, ask for consent to do this exercise. Remember consent is sexy (and essential!)
2. Prop their right hand in your left, extending their arm out in front of them. Take 30 seconds to touch their forearm how you like to touch, nails or no nails, light or harder pressure, tickles or taps. 
3. Then ask them how they would like to be touched. Do they like nails? Do they prefer light or hard pressure? Let them guide you for 30 seconds.
4. Swap partners. 

By the end, you’ve been able to express how you like to be touched without referring to sex, which is often what makes it more difficult. Also, you should’ve learned about your partner's preference, bonus points for you in the bedroom. When you translate this communication of desire into the bedroom it’s important to keep it going. Our tastes and preferences can change over time and you should share this with your partner to stay satisfied. 

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