Should You Actually Be Friends With Your 'Friends'?

More of us than we would like to admit have stayed in friendships for the sake of it, even when it is something which is not necessarily beneficial to us. The saying that ‘a real situation will always expose a fake friend’ is true to some extent but it is also important that you are aware of the not so obvious signs which we can almost guarantee some of your friends are showing.

It is time to put yourself first. So, buckle up, take a deep breath, and get ready to finally understand what it is you deserve from a friendship. Or who knows, maybe you will discover you are doing something wrong yourself. 

1. They betray your trust 

You may be thinking this goes without saying but just give us a minute to fully explain. Trust is big part of any relationship, but on average friends are forgiven for betraying your trust a lot more than you would ever put up with a partner. 

Whether they betray your trust in minor ways such through sharing secrets or majorly for instance by stealing from you, it is still a red flag. But if they are betraying your trust majorly, please for your own sake cut them off.

Betraying your trust is one thing to look out for and we are not saying you should just cut off everyone who so much as tells a white lie, but we are saying that they should be cut off if they do not show remorse. Real friends apologize, fake friends ignore. Just keep that in mind.

2. They create / attract drama

Yes, this may be something you view as exciting and fun for a while but please just put it into perspective. Creating and attracting drama 24/7 is explicitly demonstrating that chaos is following this person. Relationships in their life may be chaotic and unhealthy as well. Does this not just mean it is only a matter of time until they create drama with you?

Just take a second to step back and evaluate this friend, are they someone who is supportive and a good friend to you or are you simply constantly being drawn into the amusement of the drama they create. 

These friends are no less than just exhausting after a period of time. They are constantly blaming their issues on someone else; they don’t take advice and it is a vicious cycle of these problems just repeating themselves. These are not people you want to be friends with for a long time, or at all to be honest. So, if you are, distance yourself before you become more than just a spectator.

3. They are dismissive of your feelings

There are no set rules to what a friendship is by any means, but we think it can be agreed on that the bare minimum any friend should do is be able to sit, listen and understand your feelings when you need them to. A friend who is there when you most need someone simply to vent to about your feelings is a quality friend.

An immature and fake friend on the other hand may invalidate your feelings or even seize the opportunity to make it about them. Trust us that is not a friend you want in your life. Do you really want to be around someone who does not care about you? Being friends with this person will leave you feeling more isolated and alone than you would with no friends. 

4. You are not a priority

You may be placed right at the bottom of their list of what to prioritize whilst they are placed right at the top of yours. Friendship should be mutual, and friends should prioritize each other over anything. Even boyfriends/girlfriends which seems to be what gets in the way of friendships most. 

This friend mat does not make any effort at all to be with you, they may seem detached and uninterested most of the time. In which case why are you wasting your time on them? Do you really want to be in a position where someone only tries when it suits them? Absolutely not. So, pick yourself up and find yourself friends who will prioritize you, it’s the least you deserve.

5. You downplay your accomplishments for the sake of them

No doubt we can all agree on how ridiculous this one sounds. Some friends are competitive yes and that is not a bad thing in all cases but when it manifests into jealousy it is not so good. Good friends want you to succeed and are happy when you do. They do not view your success as a failure of their own.

You may be avoiding telling them what you have achieved to not damage their ego. You may avoid telling them what you have achieved so they don’t try and belittle you in front of other people. Either way, know your self-worth. You deserve to be around people who bring you up not knock you down.