3 Tips On How To Support A Friend Through A Breakup

Breakups are one of the least favorable rites of passage that most of us must pass through. One of my best friends recently broke up with her boyfriend, and it highlighted to me the important roles that we, as friends, have in supporting the person through the healing process. So, what can we really do to help? It turns out, a lot.

1. Make Yourself Available

We’re not telling you to wait up for that 3 am text every night, but make an extra effort to make time for them. Break-ups can hit everyone differently, and while some seem to be able to go about their daily lives effortlessly, others find it much more difficult. The ‘feels’ can emerge at any time of the day or night, and what often helps is to have a friend to talk to, calm them down and remind them why it is normal to feel the way they do. 

2. Plan An Adventure

While it is a cliché that time heals all wounds, with break-ups, it is most certainly true. The most tender wounds are those that are recent and delicate. So don’t give them time to question whether or not that breakup was the right decision (it was) and instead, plan an adventure. It can be a road trip, a spa trip or even a night out; just keep the booze to a minimum. Distractions are helpful for a multitude of reasons, but what is most important, is to get out of the place associated with an ex, however briefly. The perspective that traveling or time away can bring, is invaluable at the beginning of a break-up in realizing that life goes on, the world is a massive place, and anyone can start over. Very Eat Pray Love, we know…

3. Movies, Books and Kind Words

Speaking of Eat Pray Love, some of the most interesting, hilarious and tragic storytelling comes from the most painful breakups. If your friend is feeling alone and you can’t be there in person, recommend a great movie or book. Look no further than The Break-Up (duh!), Legally Blonde and Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind, for an instant mood-lift. Rupi Kaur’s Milk and Honey and Dolly Alderton’s Everything I Know About Love, while tear-jerkers are at their root, success stories that chronicle the most painful moments of heartbreak; as well as the beauty that can come from reaching the other side. During a breakup, it can be easy to fall into an abyss of self-pity and despair, so make sure you tell your friend to look around and see how universal their feelings are. The acknowledgment that you are in great company, is half the battle to healing your heart. 

Breakups are tough, and often, the hardest part is the realization that the life you had with that person is over. As a friend, one of the most valuable things you can offer is hope; the hope that comes with the realization that life ends to make way for a new beginning. Give their hand a squeeze and remind them that, in the inspiring words of Carrie Bradshaw, “Eventually all the pieces fall into place…until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment and know that everything happens for a reason.”

Next Up, Achieving Closure In A World Of Ghosting