6 Ways To Boost Your Partner's Libido And Get More Sex

Get your partner back in sync and your banging back to being well, banging!


Have things fizzled out in the bedroom recently? Maybe it’s gone from nightly to never. Or maybe the motion of the ocean doesn’t have the same rhythm to it anymore. If sex has dwindled and your other half has stopped initiating bedroom activities, we understand why you might be concerned that your boyfriend, husband, or partner doesn’t want sex with you anymore.

It can hurt, especially when the narrative that we are led to believe is that ‘men want sex all the time’. So, what gives? Why doesn’t your partner want to have sex with you? Is it your fault? Is he no longer attracted to you? Is there someone else?!

Whilst you may be seriously worried about your relationship right now, all is not lost.  There are loads of different reasons why a man might lose his sex drive and often, they have nothing to do with you or your relationship so try not to take a temporary drought personally.

Navigating sex and intimacy in a relationship can be a bit of a maze, especially when you’re not sure why your partner doesn’t want to have sex or what you can do to get things back in the right direction. However, we’ve got 6 things you can try to get your partner back in sync and your banging back to being well, banging!

Get talking

One of the first steps in rekindling your physical connection is to communicate. It’s best to do this in a more neutral setting like over breakfast, while having coffee, or when on a walk, rather than focusing on the discussion in the bedroom.

A simple tool to help make it less daunting is to talk without looking at him straight in the eyes such as when strolling side by side or sitting on the sofa. Take an open and non-judgemental approach but tell your partner how the situation is making you feel and the impact it’s having on your relationship, using ‘I’ statements. Don’t be scared to ask him what he wants and what kind of intimacy he would like to be having with you.

Have some you time

Did you know that many research studies suggest that masturbating regularly can actually help increase your desire for partner sex, rather than the opposite? Taking the time to explore your own sexual pleasure sans partner is a great way to reclaim your sexuality as an individual rather than one-half of a pair.

Look at it as feeding your own erotic fire and placing as much importance on your sexual needs as your partner’s. If you struggle to make self-pleasure a priority, schedule this into your calendar! Explore your body and what turns you on by using your hands, toys, and your imagination. For an extra boost, add in some pelvic rocking and breath, give sensual dancing a go or find a workshop nearby that you can attend. Yes, they exist!

Add a little spice

It might be hard to hear but maybe the sex and intimacy you are having isn’t satisfying your partner anymore. But hey, is it satisfying you either?

It is completely normal for your sexual desire for one other to wane when you’re in a long-term relationship or marriage. In part, this is down to a change in brain chemicals as you come down from the rush of dopamine and oxytocin which create that ‘honeymoon period’ and settle into familiarity.

Libido can also ebb and flow if you’re guilty of being stuck in a sexual routine, if stress arises from cohabiting or parenting responsibilities, or simply if sexual needs are not being met.

It can help to strip things back and change things up. Make talking about your turn-ons and fantasies part of your intimacy. Explore things that you can try together that you are both comfortable with. Maybe some explicit role-play will get his motor running or some sexy lingerie will leave you both feeling good.

Focus on his needs…outside the bedroom

A loss of libido could be a sign that your partner is juggling too much. Stress is one of the biggest sex drive killers for people of all genders. Using some of your energy into taking some stuff on his plate could give him the headspace he needs to divert attention back to the bedroom.

Try combining supporting him with non-sexual intimacy. For example, have an indoor date night where you cook a meal and exchange flirty comments with one another. Run him a candlelit bath after work. Or give him a relaxing body massage without the expectation of it going any further.

Big him up

Just like we are, men are also exposed to ridiculous beauty standards from the media and diet culture, meaning they can have body hang-ups and anxiety around how they look too. If your partner has recently gained or lost weight, had surgery, sustained an injury, or encountered any other situation that has caused his physical appearance to change, this could be causing self-esteem and sexual confidence issues.

Help him tackle his insecurities by paying him compliments. Tell him he looks good in his outfit or that his hair looks amazing. Let him know how sexy you still find him, and don’t forget to praise him about things unrelated to his appearance too. If he is an amazing father, remind him of that. If you value all the things he does, make sure he knows it.

Bring in another person

No, we aren’t talking about a threesome. If you think you still need an extra helping hand to get back on track, why not speak to a sex coach? They can work with you one-on-one to discuss your concerns, signpost you to tools and resources that they think will be of value and give you the confidence to get back to a place where you and your partner are both sexually satisfied.