Sometimes Being Selfish is Necessary and Why You Shouldn’t Feel Bad
Saying “no” can sometimes be selfish but necessary for self-care.
Taking care of yourself and seeking self-love is one of the most important things to have gained momentum in the turn of the decade.
Whether that means exercising, adopting a healthier lifestyle, taking a bubble bath, making time for your daily skin-care routine, or simply logging out of all social media, self-care can take form in many ways.
The point is to put yourself and your mental health first by checking in with your emotions and doing what feels right and best for YOU in that moment. It can be something physical or emotional or both. It can be a healing tool for women, people of color, or just general marginalized sections of society.
Self-love, or self-care, comes from a good place but it is also something that requires being selfish. Maybe you’ve decided not to cook dinner for the family because you cook dinner every day and would rather order in. Maybe you’ve declined an invite to a party where some ex toxic friends are going to. Maybe you’ve simply said “no” to something that doesn’t serve you in any way.
Feeling guilty is a natural response but if your mental health is at risk, you should understand that being selfish is necessary, regardless of what feelings it might bring up.
Here are 3 major instances when being selfish in the name of self-love is important:
YOU NEED TO REST
If you’re feeling tired - be it physically, emotionally or mentally - it’s time to be selfish, say “no” to tasks or things people ask of you, and rest up. That might mean sleep or a session of Netflix and chill.
Working yourself to the ground or not getting the appropriate amount of sleep for optimal health is a sure way of developing health problems such as trouble focusing, poor immune system, regressive memory and weak muscles.
Finishing up late for your overbearing boss or covering an ungrateful colleague’s shift might seem like a nice thing to do in the moment but in reality, the only person who loses out is you.
Saying “no” to extra baggage and resting instead might seem like a selfish thing to do but when your mental health is failing you and your body is aching all over, is it really being selfish or is it simply taking care of yourself? Rest is crucial to a long and healthy life and isn’t that what we all want for ourselves?
YOU FIND THAT YOU’RE NEVER BEING COMPENSATED ENOUGH
It’s not always easy to strike a healthy balance of give-and-take in a relationship but it’s something all relationships should aim to have. However, if you find that you’re always the one doing the giving with little to no compensation (or desire to compensate) then it’s time to take action.
Maybe you’re always having to cover the bills or the rent because your roommate isn’t on top of their finances. Maybe your husband or boyfriend isn’t helping around the house but expects a spotless home to come back to. These scenarios, if left unchecked, will lead to resentment and exhaustion eventually.
Rather than letting it get to that point, have an important conversation instead. Let the person know what’s been going on and the positive changes that could be made to resolve the issues at hand. Let them know that you don’t feel appreciated.
Sometimes we think it’s selfish or weak to talk about our feelings but if we choose not to then how can the people in our lives change for the better? We need to give people the chance to redeem themselves. Often times they simply don’t realize how they’ve been acting towards you.
And if they don’t respond well or change their ways then enough is enough. It’s time to take a break or cut them out entirely. It’s 2020 now and we’ve got no room for toxicity, amirite?
YOU SIMPLY WANT SOME ME-TIME
We all have people in our lives who don’t get the art of staying home instead of going out to eat or for drinks or whatever it might be. If staying at home and watching YouTube or Netflix or playing video games is what you want to do, then that’s what you should choose to do.
Being around people and so many different personalities can get very tiring very quickly. Sometimes we have to be alone in order to recharge ourselves for the days ahead.
You don’t need to always have a motive for every single day or every week. You certainly don’t need to be around people who require too much of your energy. Simply say “no”, unplug yourself from everything and do whatever it is that you would much rather do in the comfort of your own home. We all owe that to ourselves.