Debunking The Stigma Around Vanilla And Kinky Sex

When it comes to sex, there are certain terms that we tend to abide by, whether we realize it or not.  

Society has created a sexual spectrum that ranges from “vanilla” lovemaking to hardcore kinky fuckery. The dichotomized way in which these labels are imprinted on us make us feel as though we are destined to abide by a single category.  

Not only is this untrue – but it can be extremely damaging when it comes to our self-esteem in the bedroom. If you’ve ever been vanilla-shamed, then you might have been met with the classic lines of “That’s so boring” or “Why don’t you mix it up”. However, if you’re more on the wild side, then you may well have just been called a “freak” for being a bit kinkier.  

Whichever way you spin it, sex-shaming is most definitely a thing and affects all of us – no matter where we fall on the sexual spectrum. We’re here to break the stigma towards these sexual stereotypes so that you can embrace your sexuality wholeheartedly – without fear of being judged.  

There's no correct way to have sex – as long as it’s consensual and your individual needs are being fulfilled, you’re doing it right.  

It’s Okay To Be A Bit Of Both  

Likening sex to ice-cream flavors such as “vanilla” can cause a whirlwind of confusion – particularly as everyone’s interpretation of what identifies as “vanilla” will be slightly different. Spoiler alert – no two people are the same flavor.  

Usually, the term refers to “plain” or “mediocre” sex that tends to stay within the parameters of missionary. However, just because you might enjoy a set-range of positions, doesn’t mean that you can’t experiment with some toys, or test out some role-play.  

The point is - it’s okay to like what you like and be a bit of an in-between when it comes to what really turns you on.  

Try not to overthink it – embrace what your mind and body are telling you and find a way to explore that with your partner. The more you start honoring your own desires rather than succumbing to societal pressures - you’ll be much more sexually satisfied overall.  

It’s Never Too Late To Try Something New  

If you consider yourself a “vanilla” type but are eager to try something new, then don’t be afraid to push the boundaries and venture out of your comfort zone.  

If you’re looking to go down the BDSM route, then ensure that you and your partner find a safe word that works for you. By implementing measures like this from the start, you’ll feel much more secure when it comes to the act itself.  

Sexual Wellness Improves Your Overall Well-Being  

Having sex that is tailored to your own needs will not only improve the intimacy you have with yourself and your partner – it will also help you mentally.  

When you have sex that really hits the spot – endorphins are released, reducing stress levels, and aiding mindfulness.  

So, next time you’re worrying that you’re “too much” or “not enough” – remember that if you and your partner are enjoying what you’re doing, then that’s all that matters.  

Never feel pressure to change anything up or “tone it down” – we are all on our own sexual journey in life, and what makes it so exciting is not knowing where we might end up!  

 In case you missed it, Why Everyone Should Create A Sex Playlist