Photo: Brooke Cagle

You Are Enough: FIZZY MAG's One-Stop Guide To Self-Love

Self-love is the new #RelationshipGoals.


In a society where self-hatred is merley a marketing strategy and self-love dulls into non-existence each time we scroll down our feeds, our tolerance and love for ourselves have found an all time low. 

It's no secret: We are more unhappy than ever, and our awareness of our flaws is peaking, leading to the drastic rise of self-loathing. It's so bad that we now actually commend people for mastering what should be the basic task of loving and accepting themselves, meaning that self-hatred has actually been normalised — a serious problem. But problems aren't all that bad when they can be fixed, and oh boy, can this one be fixed.

And that's exactly what this guide attempts to do: Show you how to love yourself!

Allow yourself to be delicate

If there's one thing adulthood has taught us, it's that trust is something that needs to be earned. This idea translates to: Our guards should be up at all times until we have proof that we're not going to be fucked over. Although this mindset certainly is benificial for its purpose, it starts to get problematic when we do it to ourselves — aka distancing ourselves from our inner-world and our emotions. Dont get it wrong, having your guard up makes sense because yes, you should protect yourself, but allow yourself to be soft once in a while, to be vulnerable, to feel. When it comes to loving ourselves, we need to get in touch with our emotional sides — you know, have a good cry or a good laugh and be comfortable doing it. Do not ever bottle your feelings up or restrict them. Emotions are meant to be expressed and experienced, so let 'em go and don't be afraid while doing so. There's not only strength but also immense beauty in allowing yourself to be delicate. It takes a certain level of self-comfort and self-acceptance to be able to love yourself through all of your inner-stages, so start off by feeling freely. 


Isolate yourself

The one collective fear we all share? Loneliness, undoubtedly. There's nothing more scary than being confronted with your inner demons and angels, your highs and lows and all the other aspects that make up what and who you truly are. Humans already fear confrontation as it is, but having a face-off with your biggest enemy, yourself, is a whole new level of reality many of us just aren't ready or willing to face. But unfortunately, it's a crucial risk we all need to take in order to find ourselves. Being alone gives us the chance to actually connect with ourselves and figure out what we like and what we don't like without external opinions crashing down on us. So, spend some quality time alone. Figure yourself out, and you're guaranteed to achieve a better understanding of who you are and fall in love with what you find.

Accept and appreciate who you are

The two AAs of life: Acceptance and Appreciation. All too often, we beat ourselves up for not being where or who we want to be in life. We complain about every and anything we and constantly yearn for more. Yes, having a drive, being ambitious and never settling for less should be a prerequisite for any human being but — and here's the big but — wanting more doesn't mean that what you already have, what you've already accomplished, isn't worthy of your appreciation. Even the littlest of steps are still part of bringing you closer to your end goal, so be appreciative of everything you've achieved in your life. And not only that, but also accept it. Accept your current situation instead of moaning about it. Accept the cards you've been dealt, and play them right.


Cleanse your life of toxic energy

A step that seems just so much easier said than done because in reality, we know that we only have limited control of who walks in and out of our lives. Work, school and stuff like that doesn't come with a personalised form asking who we want and don't want around us, BUT that doesn't mean that we are completely lacking power. In some cases, we actually do have a say when it comes to who we want to associate with, but we don't always make use of this right because we don't want to "look bad." But fuck right off with that worry because there should be no guilt involved in doing what's best for you. People that throw your vibe off need to be cut off — it's as simple as that.

Fake friends? DELETE. Toxic relationship? DELETE. There's no shame in letting go of people who aren't beneficial for your mental health, so the motto is "New phone, who dis?" all year round. 

Let it go

Everyone has their fair share of emotional baggage to carry, but the one mistake many of us make is to start making that baggage the center of our being and defining ourselves through it — that's a major no. Experiences do shape us and make us the people we are today, but having that said, clinging on to these experiences and giving them a larger meaning than they actually have will eventually drown you. No matter how messed up, hurtful or devastating something was, it should be lesson you learn and grow from, not an existential crisis that's integrated into who you are as a person. So, when the time is right, let the healing process begin, and leave your baggage behind. It's over and done with, irreversible, so let that shit go, and glow up. Rome wasn't built in a day, so accept that this process may take awhile. But do put effort into letting your old and way overdue emotional shackles go — it's time.

Learn to be you own best friend

Whenever a friend confronts us with an issue of theirs, our first instinct is to give them comfort, reassure them, build them up, remind them of the great qualities we cherish in them and list off reasons why they aren't completely at fault. Why do we go through this process with friends? Because we believe in the goodness of our loved ones, and that's precisely what a good friend is supposed to do. But strangely enough, when it comes to ourselves, we certainly do not apply the same kindness, compassion and love we show our friends. It's actually quite the opposite: All too often, we turn into the most disgusting, cruel beings when handling ourselves. Think about it: Would you ever even think about talking to your best friend the way you do to yourself when a situation arises? You wouldn't. We are overly harsh, judgemtal and immediately search for the mistake within ourselves, but why? Because of the deep rooted self-hatred chilling inside of us, eating us up from within and pushing us right down the cliff of self-destruction. Deep down, we believe that we deserve all the bad that comes our way because even deeper down, we are convinced that were are unlovable, evil people, but here's a reality check for you: That's not the case. You are neither unlovable or evil. If anything, your only flaw is being way too hard on yourself. So, put an end to this cycle of being a bitch to yourself, and start treating yourself the way you'd want the ones closest to you to be treated. Know that you are deserving and worthy of being your own best friend. 

Give yourself time

Like most things in life, self-love is a journey, a long, endless, lit ass journey that shouldn't be rushed. Getting to know, appreciate, love and cherish yourself isn't done in a day, in a month, hell, maybe not even in a year, but that's the beauty of it, right? Watching your progress and seeing yourself grow as a human being is one of the most precious gifts life has to offer, so take it easy, relax and have as much time as you need. There'll be ups, there'll be downs but you'll get there eventually. Don't stress it.


Body image

The topic everyone loves to hate, body image and body acceptance. As people, especially young ones, our exterior and how society perceives it plays a huge part in how we view ourselves — meaning, if you like and are are comfortable in the way you look, you are more likely to like yourself as a whole. But it goes the other way around, so let's talk about how to love, accept and come to terms with how we look. For starters, beauty doesn't have, never had and will never have a specific look. No matter what body type the media seems to be obsessing over the most at the moment, all bodies are equally deserving of love, especially of our own. Having said that, a beautiful body is a healthy, happy body that's being taken care of, so treat your body like a temple. Be causcious of what you put and let into it. Be aware of the godly gift of a functioning body. You are bound to see the value and grace of your body once you treat it with respect, love and care.

Practice self care

Literally one of the most essential things you can do to truly love yourself is to handle yourself with love. Treat yourself as though you were madly in love with yourself because that's the end goal after all, right? Eat good, exercise, take yourself out on dates, take baths, splurge on yourself once in a while, heck, do the stuff that makes you happy and that makes you feel the most you. And most importantly, compliment yourself like no other; constantly remind yourself​ of what a bomb ass person you are, and as time passes, you will start to internalize those confirmations, leading to more self esteem and eventually to a happier you.

Be selfish

Yes, you read correctly. The step says be selfish. No, don't be a self-seeking, arrogant egomaniac, but a healthy dose of egoism never hurt anyone. Stop putting your needs on the back burner, and put yourself first! Quit bending over for people that wouldn't do the same for you, and don't be a people-pleaser out of the fear of coming across as selfish or mean. Your needs and wants matter just as much as anyone else's and should be attended with care and respect by — you guessed it— yourself! 


Know your worth

And lastly, know who the fuck you are. If you're not aware of your price, you'll end up with a trash deal. If there's one thing you don't play with it's your $$$, so know your worth, know your skills, know that you are not this, not that but THAT; you are THAT BITCH. There's only one you, so you better act accordingly, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. To put it in the words of Mr. Self-Love himself, DJ Khaled, don't ever play yourself by thinking less of yourself. Go out there, love yourself and aim to be the happiest version of you!

So, to wrap things up, love yourself with all your heart and understand that you are worthy of that love. Be kind and graceful to yourself because if you're not, who else will be?