20 Non Basic Conversation Starters For Your Relationship

Stop asking each other how work was!


Once the dating phase has passed you by and you know everything there is to know about your other half such as their age (we hope), where they grew up, where they work, what do they do for fun and the important question, is ‘Die Hard’ ACTUALLY a Christmas movie?

Don’t look at us like that, we’re in December now it’s the time to ask people! Anyway, moving swiftly on, whilst it’s important that interesting topics remain a plenty and conversation doesn’t run dry in your relationship, you can find yourself in the bad habit of routine asking.

An easy to remember conversation starter after a long, hard day at work is “how was it?” Well, most days it will probably be the same, thus ending your conversation dead in its tracks...although this is usually followed by the classic “what would you like for dinner?”

Don’t get us wrong, it is normal to sit in silence sometimes so don’t despair but it is up to you to think of more creative topics to discuss with your partner, although we don’t mind helping out a bit! Read on for some expert approved topics to bring to the table…

1. Your passions in life

Maybe something you have already discussed or then again, perhaps not? "You'd be surprised how many people are in relationships who don't know the passions of their partners." Says Patrick Wanis, PHD, this kind of topic will bring out some of the most interesting answers.

2. What your dream vacation home looks like

Time to get your creative head on for this one, one of you will make it big one day! It’s handy to know the ideal location for your partner when it comes to a staycation in said home, a beachside hut in The Bahamas, an apartment in Paris or a snowy cabin in Norway, just some inspiration here, we’re not daydreaming at all…

3. What both makes you feel confident

It goes without saying that confidence is sexy and if you are already with your S.O we would like to think you already find them sexy. But what is confidence to them? Discussing the things that fill you with pride is great for positive energy and allows your partner to speak freely and share, explains dating and relationship expert Lisa Concepcion.

4. Influential people in your lives

Everyone has someone they look up to and admire, be it a famous celebrity, a blogger or designer, even family members and best friends. This allows for some of the best convo topics as it is open ended, "They are rooted in genuine curiosity and the desire to understand," explains Concepcion. It’s a great way to learn more about the person you love and who they love and how that person has shaped who they are today.

5. Embarrassing stories

Don’t worry, we didn’t plan on keeping this solely dedicated to the gentle topics! Have you ever retold an embarrassing story and watched the other person laugh, which in turn makes you laugh? Laughing is unbelievably good for you and your mental health and finding out the most cringe tales of your partner's past is sure to bring in good energy, be prepared to share back however!

6. What you would do if you both couldn’t fail

Time to dream big and share these dreams with each other, "It's about the high concepts," says Wanis. A complete bonding opportunity sure to lead onto other exciting topics, a total winner.

7. What you’d do if money didn’t matter

A classic convo starter, free money! This could absolutely anything, be as creative and free as possible!

8. Your love languages

“Your what?!” Yeah, we hear you but trust us on this one. Your partner probably doesn't have a clue what love languages he embodies, but starting a conversation on the best ways you like to give and receive love can be really eye opening. Examples include words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and/or physical touch - check out the quiz here!

9. Your families

The ones that raised you and who you grew up with is such a deep and important topic, also a great opportunity to talk about extended and past family members. Maybe there is a famous uncle or aunt you haven’t discussed, or your great great grandfather invented something cool we all use today! It’s also great to discuss what impact this may have on what kind of family dynamic you aim for down the line, if you want a family that is. "We all have the best and worst family memories. This allows you both to speak freely, and a lot can be learned about your partner by asking this kind of question," says Concepcion.

10. Your guilty pleasures

We all have them and they make us unique and interesting, so it’s time to open up! Maybe you have one you share or one you you’ve yet to mention, this great talking point will open your eyes to the inner workings of your partners mind...or just their secret obsession with Abba.

11. A Harry Potter-inspired hypothetical

They may not be a fan (why are you even with them?!) But Harry Potter hypotheticals are fun and easy convo starters. Which Hogwarts house would you choose? The choices they make will actually be connected with their life experiences/personalities so you can learn a lot about them in a magical way!

12. Which decade you’d choose to live in forever

An absolute classic of a topic and one that’s sure to spark fun and perhaps nostalgia as your partner thinks of their answer, whether it’s shoulder pads of the 80’s, crimped hair from the 90's or 3 piece suit complete with pocket watch and handlebar moustaches from centuries ago!

13. Your bucket lists

Skydiving, surfing, Route 66 road trip, climbing Everest or simply learning how to make a three tier wedding cake, this is a great topic to help you learn about your partner and encourage you to help each other to complete the list.

14. Your sexual fantasies

Yeah, we said it! We’re not shy around here and a healthy sex life does wonders for your relationship. Maybe it’s time to think outside the box (or bedroom) and talk about an unorthodox kink that could be the next thing for your relationship.

15. Times you’ve both been brave

“What's the bravest thing you’ve ever done?”  That question can really open your eyes into a part of your partner's life that you may not have even touched upon. Was there a difficult time in the family? A big step to nail their dream job? All these decisions would have got them to where they are today, not regular conversation stories but ones you do like to share.

16. Your exes

Don’t worry, we haven’t gone mad we do honestly think it’s time to get talking about the taboo subject in relationships. Make sure you are finding out the positives and negatives of their past relationship ensure you don’t just look like the jealous new bae trying to get gossip, you actually want to know what your S.O find attractive in a partner. Okay, maybe you also do like to hear that they loathe when their ex chewed with their mouth open...but they don’t have to know that.

17. Hidden talents you want to master

Dreamers it’s time to reveal all. Let your partner enjoy talking about how it would feel to be the world's best drummer or an astronaut...we know you still secretly want to be a gold Olympic gymnast even though you may have zero coordination…

18. Your hypothetical "last suppers"

Say you’re going away for life tomorrow and you have one more meal left to have, what would it be? To be able to go “oh wow, really? THAT’S what would you choose?” It’s a great topic, everyone loves to talk about food...but hopefully you or your partner hasn’t actually condemned themselves to a life behind bars. Wanis actually believes it to be the sixth love language, since food is connected to emotion, pleasure, and meaningful experiences.

19. Your next vacation

Plant the seed of planning your next vacay away together by chatting about where you would both love to go, we’re sure there’s compromise to be had!

20. New Year's resolutions!

2020 is upon us, so now is a better time than ever to get talking about the big changes you want from the new year. Gymming? Dream holiday? Learning a new skill? It’s your year to start inspiring each other to accomplish your goals.


Next Up, 7 Social Norms That We Should Leave Behind In 2019