Caught In The Vanity Trap

You wake up on a beautiful morning – sun shining, birds chirping (and all that) – and the first thing you do when you get out of bed (after the shameful 15-minute morning scroll) is look in the mirror. Before eating, showering, or washing your face, you check whether last night’s skincare worked, whether you have a new pimple, or eye bags that reveal how badly you slept, or you look at the state of your hair and whether you can prolong wash day until tomorrow. Before even getting the chance to wake up properly, you’re already analysing every pore and every flaw. And this doesn’t really serve any purpose, besides being a harsh method of waking yourself up—at least, not any positive purpose.

Now, I’m not one to judge—I’m writing this with rollers in my hair, which I put in after the results of my morning analysis determined it was hair wash day. I check the mirror much more often than I’d care to admit, and realizing this has made me spiral; I mean, how much would I be able to achieve if I didn’t care about how I looked? If I didn’t care, I could get ready much quicker and spend my morning doing something more beneficial than painting my face. I’m not saying that in those extra 30 minutes I’d be able to solve world hunger or anything, but I’d at least be able to sneak in a bit of extra sleep, which would be nice.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I spend every waking hour stressing about how I look, but at the end of the day, I am just a teenage girl! Even without obsessing, I’m still painfully aware, and I can’t be alone in this feeling (at least I really hope I’m not). And if nothing else, I’m actually quite bored of it. Caring about what you look like isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but has it reached the point where we’re slaves to our own vanity? Do we value how we look over our health and happiness?

With the risk of sounding like a boomer—or worse, a man—I remember being happier in the days when I didn’t have a reflection that I cared to look at. I only looked in the mirror to see the funny faces I was making. And I’m not sure children growing up today have the same privilege, because they’re growing up in a world where being vain is the norm. There’s nothing wrong with indulging in a little bit of vanity, but has it gone too far?

Is social media to blame?

I think the tendency to want to check our reflection so often is influenced by the social-media-induced pressure to look good all the time. I mean, if it’s not the ease of comparison to the airbrushed faces we see on our For You pages, it’s the possibility that if you step outside on your worst day, someone might still stop to ask what you’re listening to—and suddenly the whole world’s seeing you in this state. It feels like the pressure to look presentable, even when you’re just alone, is so massive nowadays that it’s hard to feel comfortable in your natural state. If you’re not done up, with your makeup and hair done, looking good enough to post something that might go viral, then you’re not ‘good enough.’ No wonder we feel the need to check ourselves constantly; we’re always forced to acknowledge the beauty of others.

How to ground yourself

There are ways of feeling less connected to your reflection and more connected to the world. There are an infinite number of things to do that are more interesting than analysing how you look. But unfortunately, we live in a world that prefers to remind us of how we look over all these wonderful things we could be doing.

It sounds like empty advice, but often going outside and getting fresh air is all you need. It’s easier to enjoy the wind through your hair when you’re not stressed about how it’s going to make it go frizzy, or the sun on your face without worrying about it melting your makeup. Basically, the best thing you can do is distract yourself! Whether that’s going outside, watching TV, playing an instrument, cooking, working, or even watching paint dry—if you’re doing these things, then you’re not watching yourself age in a mirror.

We get so involved in the world of social media that we forget this isn’t all there is to life. Once you get out of the mentality that looking bad is the worst thing that could ever happen, it honestly makes things a lot easier. If the way you look is the least interesting thing about you, then you’ve lived a pretty amazing life!

Dedicate your life to yourself

Ultimately, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a little vanity—it can make you feel good, boost your confidence, and that’s fine. We live in a world where everyone’s best hair and makeup days are plastered on our screens, and it’s almost impossible not to compare yourself. I get it. But here’s the thing: there are better things to spend your time on than trying to look like someone else’s highlight reel. Your reflection isn’t the boss of you—your life is. So focus on the things that make you laugh, learn, create, and grow. Be obsessed with yourself in the right ways: with your dreams, your friendships, and your moments that actually matter. Stop serving the mirror—start serving your own life.