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The Best Way To Get Over A Breakup

The time frame and guidelines by yours truly.

POSTEDBYVALERIA WIWINIUS

We’ve all been there. You fall in love with someone, start mapping out your future with him, invest your all into the relationship. It seems like he’s ‘the One’ until reality puts a spoke in your wheel and you have to add him to the list of ‘relationships that haven’t worked out’ for one reason or another. Then comes the hard part: getting over the breakup. But what’s the healthiest way to get over someone? And how long do you have to endure the heartache until you wake up one day and it all seems like a distant memory?

According to cult figure Charlotte from ‘Sex and the City’, ‘it takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over them’. But for those of us, who don’t believe in Miss York’s breakup rule, science has got our back, too. Researches of The Journal of Positive Psychology, for instance, found that it takes three months to get over a relationship, versus 18 months for a marriage.

Relationship expert Susan Winter, on the other hand, explained she doesn’t believe that there’s a ‘standard equation (that’s) applicable to most breakups.’ She continued by saying that, ‘the time it takes to recover from a breakup depends upon the depth of your emotional investment.’ Which, you know, looking at it from this point of view, seems quite logical.

Then, there’s the other big question: what do you do until all harsh feelings are gone? While, again, we don’t believe that there’s a perfect recipe that’s applicable to each and everyone of us, we’ve compiled a little list of tips and tricks that might make it a bit easier to deal with the emotional distress of a breakup.

Take time for yourself

Yes, we’re well-aware that no one died or anything, but a breakup still is a loss that needs to be mourned. Whether it takes a week, a month or a year, you need to allow yourself to grieve the end of your relationship and possibly, all of the future plans you had in mind. Now’s the time for you to make yourself a priority.

Allow yourself to feel it

While the whole ‘whatever, it’s fine’ attitude might help you keep your head high in public, it’s not necessarily the best way to heal on the inside. Allowing yourself to feel the pain, anger or whatever it is you’re feeling, can help you to get over it quicker and move on for good. Cry, when you feel like crying. Talk about it, when you feel like talking about it. Don’t force yourself to put on the persona of the strong woman that doesn’t care about any of it, if you don’t want to.

Stay away from the ex

While it might be pretty tempting to check the ex’s social media on a more or less regular basis (or even texting / calling him after a few too many cocktails), we all know that that’s definitely not the way forward. Staying in line with our ‘Sex and the City’ girls, Carrie once recommended to ‘destroy all pictures where he looks sexy and you look happy’. So, if you want to go cold-turkey, hit the delete button on pictures, number (and conversation - we all know those little tricks) and all social media accounts. And if that’s a bit too hardcore for you, Instagram created the ‘Restrict’ function for a reason.

Don’t rush into anything

I repeat: Do. Not. Rush. Into. A. New. Relationship. There’s this myth out there that the best way to get over somebody is to get under someone else, but how many of you can honestly say that this has ever worked for them in the long-run? If you’re still working through a breakup, getting into a new relationship can seem like the quickest and easiest way to ease the pain inflicted on you by the breakup. But trust me, it’s everything but a sustainable solution. Casually dating others might take your mind off things and that’s all nice and fun, but committing to another relationship while you’re emotionally unavailable and still thinking about your ex? An absolute no-no. Don’t drag anyone else into it - you deserve better and so do they.

 

Next Up, 5 Ways To Combat Overthinking

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