How to Figure Out What’s Best for You in Relationships

Understanding Your Needs in Love and Friendship: Navigating romantic and platonic relationships requires self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and a clear understanding of your needs. Whether you’re looking for a romantic partner or strengthening friendships, finding what’s best for you means defining your boundaries, values, and expectations. Here’s a guide to help you discover what truly works for you in relationships.

Identify Your Core Values

Your values shape the foundation of your relationships. Ask yourself:

What qualities do I admire in a friend or partner?
What beliefs and principles are non-negotiable for me?
Do I prioritize honesty, loyalty, or emotional support the most?
Understanding your values ensures that your relationships align with your authentic self rather than societal expectations or pressure.

Recognize Your Communication Style

Communication is key in any relationship. Consider:

Are you direct and assertive, or do you prefer a more subtle approach?
Do you feel comfortable expressing your needs and emotions?
How do you handle conflict?
If you struggle with communication, working on expressing yourself clearly and listening actively can improve your connections.

Understand Your Attachment Style

Your attachment style—formed in childhood—affects how you relate to others. The four main attachment styles are:

Secure: Comfortable with intimacy and independence.
Anxious: Crave closeness but fear abandonment.
Avoidant: Value independence and may resist emotional closeness.
Fearful-Avoidant: Desire connection but fear of getting hurt.
Recognizing your attachment style helps you make informed choices about relationships and work on emotional growth.

Set Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries protect your emotional well-being. Ask yourself:

What behaviours am I unwilling to tolerate in a friendship or relationship?
Do I feel drained or energized by certain people?
Am I able to say no when needed?
Setting clear boundaries ensures mutual respect and prevents unhealthy dynamics.

Reflect on Past Relationships

Looking at past relationships can provide insight into what works and what doesn’t. Consider:

What patterns keep repeating in my relationships?
What have I learned from past friendships or romantic connections?
What made me feel happiest or most secure in a relationship?
Self-reflection helps you make better choices moving forward.

Discover Your Love and Friendship Languages

People express and receive love differently. Understanding your love language (words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, or physical touch) can help improve your relationships. Similarly, recognizing what makes you feel valued in friendships (shared experiences, emotional support, reliability, etc.) allows you to seek out compatible connections.

Embrace Personal Growth and Independence

The healthiest relationships stem from self-sufficiency. Build a fulfilling life outside of relationships by:

Pursuing hobbies and interests
Setting personal goals
Prioritizing mental and emotional well-being
When you’re content on your own, you attract and maintain healthier relationships.

Trust Your Intuition

Your gut feeling often knows what’s best. If something feels off in a relationship, don’t ignore it. Pay attention to how you feel around people—do they uplift or drain you? A healthy relationship should bring peace, not constant confusion or stress.

Figuring out what’s best for you in relationships—both romantic and platonic—is a journey of self-discovery. By understanding your values, communication style, attachment tendencies, and boundaries, you can cultivate meaningful and fulfilling connections. Prioritizing self-growth and emotional intelligence will help you attract relationships that align with your true self.