Get That Girl: How To Ask Lesbian Women Out

5 steps to nail your dating confidence.


As a newly-out lesbian or bisexual woman, the idea of meeting women and asking them out can be pretty nerve-racking. Not only do you feel like you're searching for a needle in a haystack – like, da fuq are you supposed to know if they're interested in other women? – but when it comes to finding a woman you like, you have no idea about the rules. These anxieties can be enough to put you off completely, especially if you're still finding your confidence.

The most valuable piece of advice you'll ever get: fuck the rules. Whatever the sexuality – straight, bi, lesbian or a fucking romantic relationship with your sneaker collection – there are no rules. You've got nothing to lose, so believe in yourself, keep the following advice in mind, and go in with confidence. Women are innate seducers, after all. Good luck!

Be prepared to ask

Okay, sounds simple enough, but so many of us avoid asking altogether because we're afraid of being rejected. The reality is that you are bound to get some no's – not because you're not attractive, but because that woman just isn't into girls. Remember this and go into it with a smile. Don't stress the gaydar. If she says no, who cares? Smile and walk away. You've lost nothing and you've gained an opportunity to grow your confidence. You have to be prepared to ask a lot: after all, the more you ask, the more likely it is you'll score that dream girl.

Pick a good place

If you want to take some of the stress out of the process and ease yourself into it, heading to a gay/lesbian bar or being part of any kind of lesbian and bisexual social event – from Meet-Up groups to sports teams – is a great way to find a girl. And of course, there's online dating, obvs. But whatever you do, don't pass up on an opportunity to ask someone out just because you haven't met her in a lesbian social circle.

Show your interest

The easiest way to find out whether she's gay? Talk to her! Be direct with questions like, “what brings you here?” or “are you here with your boyfriend?” Whether or not she lets you know which way she swings, it's best to put your cards on the table as soon as possible. Introduce yourself, get the conversation rolling, ask her about her hobbies and interests, give her a compliment, give her plenty of eye contact and at the right moment, let her know she caught your eye. If she mirrors your smiles, gestures, and flirts, chances are the feeling's mutual.

Fake it till you make it

You might be a little nervous – that's okay – but try your best to appear confident and it makes you instantly sexier. Sexiness isn't so much about how you look as it is feeling confident in your own skin. Confidence is like an aura of energy: it makes you totally magnetic.

Go for it

You don't need to be formal – or pushy. A simple, “I'd like to see you again” or “can I have your phone number?” is a great way to show her you're interested. Again, if she says no, so be it – take it in your stride. Smile and laugh into it, keep believing in yourself, and get ready to slay it next time.


For more confidence-boosting tips, here's how to unleash your inner vixen
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