Everything You Need For One Night Only

Of the many boringly predictable and unhelpful problems with most writing (specifically: online) about one night stands, two particular aspects seem to stick out: most of it tends to prop up the generally presumed stereotype that most men are only “DTF” and most women are only looking for love, and secondly, that it overwhelmingly assumes that the only people having one night stands are those identifying as heterosexual; and perhaps what that really indicates is, that it’s only the male/female demographic who feel awkward enough to trot it out for discussion (read: comment), again, and again.

A quick search within the archive of websites, such as, ‘Thought Catalog’ highlights this case and point, with the boys “4 Reasons You Should Spend The Night” and “The Best Kind of One Night Stand” egging each other on style that seems to dominate, to the girls, who are painfully searching for an elusive moral compass to cling on to: ” Is Anyone Else Tired Of Meaningless Sex? Don’t People Want To Feel love?!”As for the opportunity to read something (in the general online media) that even remotely acknowledges that people other than the male to female ratio might actually fancy a transient exchange; well, it’s few and far between. The message? We still don’t know how to talk about sex, and even worse, we’re very much afraid of it.

If you’re guilty of having a sneaky look at the clickbait “10 Reasons You Should…” and “The Do’s and Don’t’s of….” style of online posts (self-referential awareness alert – *waves*) that tend to clutter Facebook feeds the world over, then you could be easily persuaded into thinking that you need all of the following in your armoury before you can even IMAGINE having sex, of any kind:

the experience of a checkered romantic history – preferably as a direct result of an unfortunate encounter with a ‘fuckboy’, or two,

a (frankly) worrying level of narcissism: “since you know nothing about them, they’re like a blank on to which you can project any fantasy of your choosing” (wow)

and, not forgetting, the essential “50 One-Sentence Daily Mantras” you’ll need, just to stave off a full-on ‘sexistential’ crisis.

The good news is, in this increasingly manifesto for change culture of ours, there is an after glow at the end of the tunnel, with a few simple, don’t stress it, nuggets of wisdom that exist (and have always existed) to halt anxiety from breeding the only thing it can breed: more anxiety. In the same way that Trend Forecaster, James Wallman, (in his excellent, go read it, book ‘Stuffocation’) taught us that we’re all too preoccupied with “stuff”, and that what it’s really about is “living more with less”, here’s six simple ‘stuffocated’ approaches to sex, and all you really need to think about “for one night only”:

1. Rule numero uno for any self-respecting adult: do you / they have protection? If not, go get some. Simples.

2. Do you actually WANT to have sex tonight with this (assumed) otherwise unknown person in front of you? Sounds kind of obvious, but let that sit for a while. Just because you have kinda agreed to, doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind. (NB: especially useful if you would prefer to wake up “non regrette rien” in the morning, or, you know, later on..)

3. Don’t be a proverbial dick: treat the other person with respect. It should be fun, right?

4. Are you drunk? Or, is the object of your affection, way too drunk? Beyond the very important issue of consent, frankly if you / they are too out of it, how good will it really be anyway? Take a number, do it later.

5. Communicate: if both parties are on the “I’m not looking for anything serious” page, then there’s no real problem here.

6. You are not the Pope! Here’s what Catherine Toyooka, Human Sexuality Specialist, has to say on how people police themselves: “far too many people are concerned with how they should act, will be perceived, or what is considered moral, that they never allow themselves to delve into casual encounter sex-capades.