Photo: Alex Holyoake

The Honest Truth About 'Bad Boys'

Are They Really That Bad?

Through my teenage years and my adult life, I’ve had a couple of tries from the “bad boy” menu. The first time I had one, it was the simply most exciting and maturing thing I had ever experienced in my life.  The second time was a pleasent reminder that it isn’t always just fun and excitement to be around a life loathing anarchist who loves you. The third time, I realized that it was becoming a pattern, a bad bad-boy habit, a suit that I tried on one too many times. 
I’ve often asked my self: "Why do I so obviously keep running in circles, like a chicken with it's head cut off, and pick the same old song over and over again?" Is it because my female sense of caring for another human being is too overwhelming and overshadows my gut feeling? Or just because I mistake the guy from the beginning and then get hooked? After a long time reflecting over this bad-boy addiction of mine and many a conversation with other junkies, I’ve started to think that I simply just crave the heart ache I know is guaranteed in this kind of romance. That it isn’t because I desperately need to fix the broken, sexy soul but because I love how it feeds of me and I can suffer with it. 
Yes, I went deep right there, but then again, so does a bad boy. More about that some other time. 
Who is this bad boy character and how do you spot it before you get in too deep? 
Frankly, I think the bad boy is a mythical shapeshifting creature that can survive in any different environment, fit in to any different man suit and can have all kinds of different bad boy behaviors. The baddest bad boys I’ve tasted were depressed weed smoking philosophers with great taste in music, musicians with a big appetite for drugs and rehabilitated drug abusers with too big of a temper. 
Ok relax, it wasn't as bad as it sounds. They weren’t scruffy, they were all good looking and charming enough to have plenty of friends- in fact, they were all quite popular, they were never alone.
For some reason the bad boy AKA the shapeshifter has a special gift to mesmerize his audience with his charm - and if you bought a ticket to the show it won’t take him long before he’s got you wrapped around his little finger. If he’s the loud type of bad boy he’s usually highly entertaining to be around whereas the quit bad boy’s actions speak louder than words. 
Also, from my experience, it is a fact that the bad boy always has a dark story to him. Something that brought up the rebel in him: Something so exotic and personal that you just can’t get enough of hearing about it! and want him to tell you how he's feeling about it! and you can’t stop thinking about what the hell turned this innocent little boy into a hot smoking (or smoking hot?) leather jacket!
Yes, the story will drive you nuts. 
Some times he will tell you immediately because he uses it as a kind of signature, other times he keeps it to himself. The first example can make him seem confident and self aware, the second one makes him look mysterious and alluring. Either way, you'll be convinced that he’s got something on his heart. However, when he eventually invites you into his past by telling you his 'story', that’s when you have to be really careful because now, you begin to romanticize his dark side. That’s what makes him so interesting and appealing, right? A charming boy with insecurities. A bad boy who takes orders from nobody, but who is fragile and vulnerable in the inside - who wouldn’t become instantly addicted to a mind so complex and, yes, shapeshifting?! Well, the pattern is, you get surprised by his many layers (there were a lot more than you expected) and: BOOM! You got yourself a big, core shaking, nerve wrecking, heart breaking shot of bad boy love. As soon as he makes you confident with his deepest secrets you for some reason, accidentally, repay him with your love and devotion. 
FIY, you’re especially fucked if you can relate to his dark site because then you start feeding back and forth on each other. That’s actually the true addiction. More about that some other time as well. 
I might make it sound like I’m scarred for life. Don’t worry about me, I’ve grown accustomed to my addiction. At the end of the day it’s not the bad boys’ emotions that will knock you off your feet, it’s your own emotions (and if you can’t control them, then congratulations, you are a fully functional human being). 
So, why do we (/I) say that bad boys bad for us (/me)? Doesn’t happiness sit right next to the heart ache? I kind of just want to leave the question there, because yes, it most certainly does. And if only I ever managed to balance those two emotions equally in my bad boy relationships I probably wouldn’t have had so many of them because in the end, one of them always tend to weigh more than the other (heart ache usually being the heavier one). Being with a bad boy is kind of like getting on a rollercoaster you know you’re too short to ride - you’ll always be afraid that you’ll slip and fall from the top of the loop (head first), but while you’re on it, it’s the most thrilling experience you’ve had in your life. Plus that tickling sensation you get in your crotch when you ride roller coasters. Or am I the only one getting that?
Anyways. To sum it all up here in the end: No human (used as a term for a bad boy) is dangerous, just highly addictive and lovable. And to the brave hearts out there: go for it. Don’t feel bad. Skip the line, get on the rollercoaster and see if you can make it past the loop (where the ride continues with thrill and fun- and that tickling sensation of course).