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Can Porn Improve Your Relationship?

Bye, Netflix and Chill — Hello, Pornhub.

POSTEDBYSASKIA GREY

There’s tons of articles out there telling you how damaging and poisonous porn can be for our relationships. And it’s always the same image. Sexually depraved, lonely individuals crawling the net for the most outrageous, outlandish, and downright unbelievable sex acts out there. Perusing the categories with cool detachment and then expecting the same level of porn star sexuality in their own sex lives. But is porn really so bad for our relationships?  

First off, we need to recognise that porn is here and it shows no signs of going away. In fact, porn has never been so readily available. It’s there on our computers, TVs, phones, and pretty much any other device that streams or downloads from the internet. With nearly 30,000 people watching porn every second and 25% of all search engine searches being porn related - rallying up to whopping 68 million searches every day, it seems we can’t get enough of it.  

If we can’t avoid porn and if so many single and happily-in-love people watch it, why is it still so taboo? 

In this post, we tackle the question head-on and consider how porn can improve our relationships and be a useful tool for ensuring a healthy sex life. Can porn actually improve our emotional and sexual intimacy in unexpected ways?   

Porn Can be a Shared Activity  

Porn is often considered the ultimate solitary pastime. Remember that hunched-over figure at the beginning? Because porn is still somewhat taboo, we often indulge in it in the secrecy of our bedrooms, with our curtains closed, headphones in, and locks on the door. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t always have to be that way. Instead of binging on your favourite Netflix series with your partner, try settling into a night of naughtiness and watch some porn. 

Sure, it’s not quite the same as joining a wholesome squash team together or signing up for salsa classes, but watching porn together does the same thing for your relationship - brings you together and allows for shared experiences. Too many couples struggle to find time for each other. Our lives are busy and sometimes the ones that are closest to us take a backseat. By committing to an evening of watching porn together, you’re more importantly committing to an evening of being together in each other’s company. And, hey, porn is a really great conversation starter as well as a fire starter. Which leads us onto... 

Porn Allows Partners To Explore Their Sexual Fantasies  

When we watch porn with a partner, it encourages us to open up about our most secret, most repressed, wild sexual fantasies. And that’s a good thing. Sex in relationships gets stale when it turns into a chore. A few pumps before lights out and you’re done. For most of us, that kind of regular, unsurprising sex just isn’t satisfying in the long run. Most of us crave and need more sexual excitement. The problem is, talking about your particular brand of kink with a partner can be tricky. We’ve all experienced the internal spiral of ‘what if they think I’m a freak?’ ‘What if I scare them off?’ And that’s where porn comes in. Watching porn together encourages you to speak candidly about what you like and don’t like. Experimenting with the boundaries of what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not comfortable with. The more you know about each other, the more capable you are of pleasuring each other.  

It doesn’t just work for couple-porn-watching either. Watching porn solo also helps you to understand your own sexual ticks. Not everyone is super in touch with what turns them on; some of us need a helping hand (pun intended). Sexuality, like all things, requires research and where better to research than porn. You may consider yourself the vanilla latte of the sexual spectrum, yet when you watch porn you’re always drawn to BDSM. Now, it’s possible that you just like watching it and never want to actually engage in it yourself, but chances are if it gets you off on your own it will probably get you off with your partner. So, chuck on some porn, get out your favorite sex toy and find out what gets you going.

Porn Can Supercharge Foreplay 

Anyone for a quickie? Work, family, friends, and maybe even kids - finding time to get down the dirty can be tricky (whether with your partner or solo). More often than not, you need to ‘0-100 real quick’ and porn is just the ticket.  

A study by McGill University monitored the genital temperatures of participants to see how quickly they became aroused (heated) after watching porn clips. For men and women alike, things started getting heated within 30 seconds - sounds pretty good to us.  

Porn Isn’t Real, We Know That  

One of the big worries with porn consumption is that we are unable to separate the fantasy from reality. There are innumerable horror stories of partners who expect unspeakable acts of kinkiness from their blushing other. And, sure, there’s probably going to be the odd weirdo out there who lives in a permanent fantasy world and struggles to make the distinction between that and their real life. But, come on! We’re adults. We learnt a long time ago the difference between fantasy and reality - give us some credit. It’s not as if we watch Harry Potter and then start casting spells on a passer by, or we watch Game of Thrones and bring a sword into work to stake our claim to a managerial position. It’s ridiculous to even think that, so why do we hold porn to different standards?  

If you’re worried that your partner watches and loves porn, or if you yourself are pretty into it, and feel lacking when it comes to porn star athleticism, just remember - it’s not real. We watch porn as an escape, as a means of exploring our desire and testing out new things. No one actually wants to groan down the house and engage in the kind of sex you see in porn - we dare you, give it a go. We reckon it will be a flop. That’s because porn isn’t authentic pleasure, and without authentic pleasure, sex becomes a farce. What’s better than the fantasy? The real deal!  

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