How To Deal With A Breakup

When you’ve been in as many bad relationships as I have, you’re uniquely qualified to give people advice about what not to do.

You name it, I’ve probably done it—or had it done to me.

If there’s one specific area where I’ve crashed and burned the hardest, however, it’s the breakup.

But oh, how I’ve grown.

The following list of do’s and don’ts is the result of too many mistakes that I—or my exes—didn’t need to make. If followed, it will help you get over heartbreak much quicker than if you do the opposite. Trust me. I know what I’m talking about

Godspeed.

Do:

- Get out of bed.

- Surround yourself with people who truly care about you.

- Throw yourself into your work/school/new hobby—anything that will take up large chunks of your time and prevent you from having too much time to wonder what your ex is currently doing.

- Respect yourself. Know that just because this relationship didn’t work, you are desirable and not doomed to a life alone.

- Cry. Just not in public. Or when you’re eating. Both are pretty bad combinations.

- Delete your ex on every social media channel. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Facebook. Instagram. Snapchat. Twitter. Google Plus. LinkedIn. I’m talking a full cleanse. It doesn’t have to be forever—just until you can face your ex without feeling miserable.

- After deleting him from your social media, your phone might still be a ticking bomb in your pocket. If you fear that you can't control your heartache, turn off your phone or leave it at home.

- Find a wingman/wingwoman whose job is simply to make sure you’re having fun and meeting new people whenever you go out.

- Download Tinder. Yes, the dating app will evenually drive you insane as well, but something has to fill out the empty space between your legs your that left with your ex. 

- Enjoy being single. Being single is FUN.

- You know what? You'll get over it. Even if it doesn’t feel like you’ll ever move on, you will. I promise.

Don’t:

- Sleep with your ex. I repeat: DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOUR EX. EVER AGAIN!!!!! Sex does not equal love. In this situation, it will make you feel like you’re together again for a moment until your ex tells you, “I just don’t think it’s a good idea if you stay the night. We are broken up, you know?”

- Stalk or keep track of your ex’s movements. This includes asking your friends what your ex has been up, incessantly refreshing Instagram/Facebook/Snapchat/Twitter for updates or casually turning up at places you know your ex is going to be. Especially avoid the last one. It will only make you look pathetic.

- Try to be friends. You can be friends in the future, but now is not the time. Trust.

- Drunk dial. Put down the phone. You may even have to delete your ex’s number if you’re especially prone to this.

- Meet up for coffee. Even if your ex suggests this.

- Allow your ex to talk to you about the new people he or she is seeing, fears, dreams, failures or triumphs. You’re no longer together, so it’s no longer your place to be your ex’s confidant.

- Talk about your breakup or heartbreak all day, errrrry day with your friends. This will get old very quickly, and you’ll end up being kind of annoying to hang out with. This is what therapists, mothers and strangers you’ve never met before are for.

- Think that something is wrong with you. Because there isn’t. The truth is that your relationship didn’t work out. You weren’t right for your ex, and your ex wasn’t right for you. I completely understand your self esteem has taken a giant plummet, but experiencing a breakup doesn’t say anything about you as a human being—it is what it is. “It” happens to all of us at some point in life. Breakups are incredibly painful, but they’re apart of life. You will come out stronger in the end; it will just take a bit of time.

Best of luck! And whatever you do, DON’T SLEEP WITH YOUR EX EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!