Take A Walk In Fizzy's Shoes: 6 Reasons Sneakers Beat Stilettos

Okay, you got us, we're obviously gonna be a bit biased on this one, but that doesn't mean we're not right. Ever grabbing life by its fashionable shoelaces, at Fizzy Mag, we're well-versed in the advantages of the sneaker. More than just a ridiculously comfortable footwear choice, or a hyped-up collector's item, we look at sneaks as a sturdy bastion of female empowerment, a dependable sidekick for a full and grounded existence. Stilettos, named after a needle-like weapon, are fantastic tools for self-defense, but, well, we're not sure they're really good for much else – after all, we don't need to put our our feet through hell to look sexy AF. Still not convinced? Here are six ways sneakers are winning the game.

 

Running away from your responsibilities

It's 2018, and for some very unfortunate victims of institutionalized sexism, high heels are still obligatory in the workplace – OBLIGATORY. While we try and wrap our heads around how companies could possibly force you to wear uncomfortable footwear for the whole fucking work day on pain of being fired, we're also thanking our lucky stars that we'll probably never end up in the realm of two-piece suits and three-hour meetings with Sandra from finance. Because these are jobs for responsible people, and like most creative types, we prefer to stay as far away from responsibilities as possible. Sneakers are truly perfect for this: not only are they the most anti-smart footwear choice around – apart from slippers or hideous Crocs, that is – but they'll put you in good stead for running away from the cash machine in despair, legging it from doomed Tinder dates, and chasing the bus to work after oversleeping for the fifth day in a row.

 

Earning money to buy more sneakers

Sneaker heads may have shelled out an insane amount of money for their kick addiction, but they can be extremely savvy business people when they want to be. Retail prices for the most sought-after sneaks can be pretty high, but commit to snapping them up at the release and they can make a solid investment, with resale prices rising as high as 10,000 dollars for a pair of Yeezy Boost 350s – much better than selling weed to fund your grail habit. Catch the sweet spot between rare and hyped and you're in the money.

 

Staying spontaneous

Heels are high-maintenance AF; for the small pleasure of wearing a sexy shoe, there's a hell of a lot of extra work going on behind the scenes. “Stiletto recovery,” a cool-down period in which it's recommended to do special stretches and massages – even yoga – to reduce the damage to your feet, is essential even if the stilts only come out for formal occasions or the occasional glam night on the town. That's not to mention the burning pain and excruciating blisters involved with actually wearing the things, guaranteed to make you count down the hours of even the most fun experience, so that you can finally limp home and wallow in an overwhelming sense of regret.

Sneakers, however, like your enviably carefree and spontaneous best friend, are always ready for anything, from impromptu urban exploration to three-day techno parties – because who needs to go home to rest when your feet are pretty much already tucked up in bed? Life's too short to be held back by poor footwear choices.

 

Looking like you actually exercise

Let's face it, you'd rather spend your energy camping 12 hours per week outside the Supreme store to cop the freshest drop than dropping in for a session at your local gym – after all, the type of sesh you're probably into is likely to get your heart rate up enough. Fuck it anyway, who needs to actually exercise when your sneaks look fit for you? Slip on a pair of Nike Air VaporMax and, whatever the occasion, however incongruous the outfit, you'll always look as if you legit just came back from a healthy jog at the local park; a pair of adidas Superstars, and you're fresh off the basketball court. You can't argue with aesthetics.

 

Minimizing trips to A&E

You might look cute in those red-soled Loubs, but one false step in the subway grate and you'll be forced to accessorize with an unsightly plaster cast for at least the next six weeks. Unless you're Diane Kruger's Inglourious Basterds character, or you have a couple of hours and a few friends to spare to customize that heavy white husk with all manner of crude pussy drawings, sorry, but you're probably not gonna rock that look. Ask the girl who sued her shoe company 7000 pounds after breaking her ankle on a night out and she might tell you different, though – just think how many totally safe and practical pairs of sneakers she copped with all that dough! 

 

Giving gender stereotypes the middle finger

Yeah, there may have been a fair amount of pink sneakers around of late, but that doesn't mean we're girly-girls. As @manicpixiememegirl so eloquently put it in her starter pack meme: “I grew up distrustful of hyper-commercialised colours but now, whilst grappling with my identity, I'm post-ironically embracing a shade of ambivalent femininity, vulnerability and purity as a way to intellectually detach from the hopelessness and turbulence of my contemporary lifestyle.” Whatever the color, sneakers, and streetwear in general, are the perfect sartorial choice for girls who aren't interested in conforming to society's feminine ideals; a comfortable gender-neutral uniform for women who'd rather look G than overtly sexy. Give us a pair of Swarovski Air Max '97s over your Jimmy Choos any day.

 

Follow Dee Cunning on Twitter or Instagram.

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