What Not To Put On Your Tinder Profile
Useful tips for making your profile work well for you keeping Tinder a happy place for everyone.
Oh Tinder! What would we do without it and how have we managed to survive before it?
It really has been a revolution for the Lonely Hearts Club, but also for the Oh-so-shy and for the very very busy business women and men.
We can now look for our soul mate while sitting on the couch in our pijamas watching Gilmore Girls or, why not, if we do it discretely enough, during the weekly office meeting. We can forget our shyness, and the etiquette, and go straight to sexting without bothering about having blushed revolutionary red. We can meet up with people who are very much outside our usual circle and therefore, experience whatâs it like to have sex with a body builder when you are used to hanging out fragile looking poets.
Like all good things though Tinder should be used properly, and by using it properly we mostly mean âhaving a profile that does the job properly for you instead of having one that just looks embarrassingâ. Too many embarrassing profiles just make Tinder look depressive, pretty much like Facebook and, by all means, we cannot let this happen .
So here are a few useful tips on what not to put on your Tinder profile to avoid massive turn offs.
The selfie at the gym.
Please no. Ok, you have a six pack, a body that defies gravity and, quite rightly, you are proud of it. But really, there are other ways of showing it. The gym isnât a cool place, nor is it romantic, or adventurous or in any way interesting. Itâs the kind of place where you go either because you have been a bit overindulgent with yourself at lunch time or because it belongs to your daily routine. Pretty much like the toilet. There just isnât anything exciting, let alone classy, about seeing someone posing covered in sweat and with exercise bikes in the background, it actually makes most people want to kill themselves. If you do have the cream body, why not go for a nice picture at the beach instead, or an artsy yoga asana? (watch out though, even in this case less is more). And if workout really is a big part of your life and you really would like your right swipe to share it with you (really??!) better state it in the âsomething about yourselfâ, itâs the kind of thing other people should probably know before meeting you.
Picture with kids.
No. Just no. Never mind if they your kids, your bfâs kids or the offsprings of some distant relative a third cousin twice removed. Never mind how cute they are and how incredibly good you look in that pic. Childrenâ¦ they are so small, and sweet, and innocentâ¦ shouldnât we keep them out of the mayhem of the hook up scene for as long as possible? At least until they have wish â and the age â to create their own Tinder profile?
Picture(s) with a bunch of friends.
Well ok, if you mustâ¦. But no more than one and, especially not as first pic! Please forgive our shallow minds but Itâs just annoying! You see a group of bros (or a girl squad) and you think âWow, this one is hotâ but then you move one to the next pic and you find out that Marc,25 (or Jessie,28) was not the hot one but the nerdy looking one with a Superman t-shirt ad grey loafers! Even more annoying itâs when all of pictures feature a large number of friends and going through them is pretty much like going through a Whereâs Wally book! Ok, you, have friends, and an incredible social life, good for you. But, unless youâre somehow suggesting a gang bang (and if you are perhaps it would be best to discuss it with the whole team before hinting it out to strangers) one pic, possibly the last one, with a couple of friends, possibly not more attractive than you are, is more than enough.
Picture with Mummy and/or Daddy
Why? Like, seriously, why? Isnât it best to go through at the very least a couple (better a few couples) of dates before introducing him/her to your parents? Plus what would mum and dad say if they knew you were using them to hook up??
Images which have nothing to do with you specifically but that you think will make you look interesting.
Weâve noticed a few favorites here: Klimtâs âKissâ, Schieleâs âSeated Woman With Bent Kneeâ, various forms of wildlife (such as rhinoceroses or giraffes), foggy mountain landscapes, New Yorkâs skyline.
Uh. First of all the average Tinder user is looking for someone to go out on a date with, and not for ideas for his or hers next holyday nor for suggestive discovery channel stuff (time and place for those). He, or her, is probably familiar both with Klimt and with Schiele (and probably also with Picasso and Munch, other favorites) and doesnât need reminding of how beautiful their paintings are. If you are an artist feature your paintings, if you live somewhere particularly exotic, like a treehouse or an igloo, feature that, but in both cases, please, include yourself in the pic! Tinder is, after all, very basic: I think you look good, I think that too, itâs a match, of we go. So what you need is basically to show yourself, not Schieleâs long gone muse. You can discuss art nouveau in person and in front of a nice glass of wine, we promise it will be much more effective.
Stills from Fifty Shades of why are we still discussing this Grey
So youâre a dom looking for a slave or a slave looking for a dom. Lovely. But per-lease, go for something more original (and exciting)!
The Pose (also known as Pouty Pic or The Blue Steel)
Youâve got it carefully arranged: The light is suggestive, your hair falls in just the perfect way framing your face and creating suggestive waves, your eyes are hypnotic, your lips artfully pouted, only one of your chins is showing, youâve preselected the flattering Instagram filter and your phone points precisely to that one and only God-given angle from which you look amazing. And the result isâ¦â¦ No! Donât! Refrain! Listen weâve all done that, weâve all boosted our egos with The Pose an outstanding number of times since we got our first smartphone and so we all know that itâs, well, not real! Fake. And the more you need to âfakeâ your appearance the more everyone is going to think there is an actual need for it! It just doesnât work! It screams lose!
Ask a nice friend who likes you to take a good picture of you. Smile, if possible. Look relaxed, and come what may. Much better.