Getting Lit At Oktoberfest: Do's And Don'ts For Wiesn Virgins

It's Wiesn season in Munich, and you're just about to head to the biggest beer festival of all time: Oktoberfest. You probably haven't gone as far as to invest in a pair of adidas' special-edition beer and vomit-proof sneakers for the occasion (yes, they actually exist), but that's not to say you're not planning on getting totally lit. Aside from swatting up on alcohol absorption tips and tattooing the address of your accommodation to your hand, as an Oktoberfest virgin, there's still a few things you definitely need to know before diving in head-first to soak up the (in)famous atmosphere – trust us, we're German, okay? Read on for Fizzy Mag's Oktoberfest do's and don'ts. Auf geht's!

 

Don't wear heels

If there's one thing you most definitely do not want to do when choosing your Wiesn outfit, it's wearing heels – and despite being sneakers-over-stilettos girls, we promise we're not being biased on this one. No matter how perfect those pumps would look with your outfit, don't wear them unless you're game for blisters, pain and losing a few friends from your constant complaining.

 

 

DON'T disrespect the Tracht 

If you wanna wear traditional clothing, please, at all costs, do not buy one of those cheap, generic costumes or wear one of those embarrassing shirts with a teacher printed on them. That stuff is corny and will guarantee you the label of a tourist. Bavarians aren't messin' when it comes to their traditions and won't be shy to call you out on it, so if you don't want to embarrass yourself, invest in some real, authentic Tracht – or just wear regular clothes? Do it for the culture.

 

DO bring cash

Octoberfest has a pretty clear cash-only policy, so be sure to pocket some skrill – and a lot of it – to avoid crushing disappointment when ordering your overpriced beer.

 

 

DON'T go to the Kotzhügel

If you wanna see what regret and bad decisions look like, Kotzhügel (also known as Promillehügel) is the spot for you. If you're not a fan of the pungent smell of sweat mixed with puke and beer, however, you definitely should avoid this hill. The mere sight of drunks laying in their own spew will make you question if you ever want to drink again – and that's really not good.

 

 

DO tip your waiter

...and tip 'em good because they're probably already super-pissed that they have to work in a big stuffy tent and finagle their way through obnoxious drunks for hours on end. Do your bit to reduce that living hell and give that gal a smile and a fair tip.

 

 

DON'T drink on an empty stomach

Before you go buck-wild on the beer – which you shouldn't do because, believe, you don't want to be sloppy drunk at Wiesn – keep in mind that the Oktoberfest beer prides itself on its superior strength. Believe us, listen to your mom on this one, and do not drink on an empty stomach – or if you'd rather not listen to your mom, just think of what your favorite tipple always tells you on the bottle: drink responsibly! Before you embark on your beer marathon, make sure that you've had something fatty and salty to eat like a Händl or a Haxe, and use "being responsible" as an excuse to top up throughout the day with excessive amounts of currywurst.

 

 

DO sing along 

If you want to enter one of Oktoberfest's infamous, loud tents, you gotta at least know a couple of songs. Even though they end up sounding like foreign gibberish, try to at least know that one annoying classic you just can't avoid: "A Prosit." Get that song covered and you're the G.

 

Images via Instagram: @monicafmass @luisemorgen @monicafmass