#HookingUp may mean ‘casual sex among humans not romantic linked to each other,’ but in reality it’s now the socio-cultural norm between consenting adults throughout the Western world. That being said, sex has always carried social stigma be it for religious beliefs, health reasons, or different lifestyles such as: gender identity or sexual orientation. The “norm” was to conform and accept in the ever-Holy ruling: sex is only to be enjoyed in a marital union. And that was with the strict caveat of obeying all the clauses inked in the legal and religious contractual agreement. That left many without the right to consummate a non-existing marriage, simply because they didn’t fit the criteria established by the powers that be— particularly the LGBTTQ community.
Then, Freud happened and all sex broke lose. He argued that sexual satisfaction can vary, and no, it’s not always missionary position and strictly for procreation purposes. In cause you didn’t know, sex may involve everything from masturbation to intercourse, with oral and anal sex intermixed at some point if there’s still energy. Basically, Freud gave the middle finger to puritan morality. Problem is morality has become the rule of the land and repressive doctrine ruling our culture and our core belief system. The result? Slut-shaming, double standards against women, stereotypes against men, arranged marriages, demonization of the LGBTTQ, weaponization of our bodies and rape culture.
But now, apparently, there’s a major cultural shift: casual sex. Yes, freedom to fuck and not give two fucks of what anyone thinks. However, is this new? Is #HookingUp a new trend? Revisiting the 60’s— the era of peace and love— may remind us that a lot of sexual encounters occurred with nameless partners. Ask your grandparents. Truth is, there have been college hook ups, work fuck buddies, and even church swinging— let’s face it—human kind has been hooking up since the beginning of time.
In a past article being #monogamish was explored, claiming: “we’ve made believe this Disney-fairy-tale romantic idea that all our happiness and pleasure should come exclusively from one single partner; everyone else if off limits. Turns out, having separate sexual and love experiences may actually strengthen the relationship. But, this can also be messy-tricky even. What if there’s an end to the openness in sight? Ironically, it may mean the end of the relationship, period. It could be worse: bored, unhappy and neglected hitched-halves may resort to Ashley Madison or Tinder for a #sexcapade and cheat.” Well, in order to avoid any of the drama attached to being attached to someone in such an institution, people seek sexual satisfaction in many other ways.
The dirty little secret is out in the open: casual sex has been happening all along. The difference is that we’re open to talk about it. However, the morality culture is still very alive and ingrained in our brains. Zhana Vrangalova discussed her research project The Casual Sex Project for the New Yorker titled, Casual Sex: Everyone Is Doing It, where she states: “We’ve seen that both genders felt they were discriminated against because of sex.” Women feel shame and men feel judged for opposite reasons. Casual sex or #HookingUp apparently needs a “coming out of the closet” celebration. The cultural change isn’t the casual sex; is our mindset. Now, let’s have those intimate conversations without judgment, retaliation, slut-shaming, belittlement or even violence. Can fucking be just that: casual sex— black tie optional?