Threesome

How To Find A Unicorn: 7 Steps For Finding Someone For A Threesome

And how to treat that rare and mythical creature right.

POSTEDBYDEE CUNNING

So, you want to have a threesome. You've let that fantasy play over in your mind – over and over and over – until it grew a pair of wings and just had to be let free. That hot little fantasy made it out from the relative safety of your naughty noggin and into a potential shit storm, but despite the risks, you knew it was the only way. Luckily for you, it seems your partner had a like-minded escapee of his own – false alarm, people, you can put those umbrellas down (until later, at least).

First of all: kudos to you – that shit takes guts. But you know as well as I that being open about, and sharing, a fantasy with your partner is not nearly in the same arena as negotiating the difficult process of finding – and agreeing upon – the right person to queer up your couple sex, and then actually having the balls (or not) to go through with it.

Disclaimer: only read on if, a) you have absolutely no lingering couple issues or insecurity-fueled doubts; b) you have fully and deeply discussed all of the potential ramifications, not just at the big 'O'vent, but in your relationship as a whole; and c) you are already having amazing couple sex. If the answer to any of these is “no” or “I'm not sure,” sorry, girl, but you should probably steer clear of three-man's land until you've truly got it sorted. Crucially, if you're into this much less than your man – or worse, he's pushing you for it – tell him to go fuck himself (okay, a simple “no” would also do) because nightmares are not welcome here.

Still with me? Awesome. Read on for your unicorn 101.

 

1. Hit the internet

Unicorns, or people who sleep with couples, are as rare and mythical as they sound – and yes, despite the massive phallic horn you can't seem to get out of your head, they can be any gender. Most common, however, are bisexual girls willing to hook up with generally hetero, monogamish couples for a no-strings-attached threesome experience arranged in advance.

Like with most niche things these days, the internet is probably your best first port of call for seeking out a unicorn. Set up a profile on the 3ndr or Feeld apps – both are tailored to threesome hook-ups – but don't be surprised if you do come across the odd perv and remind yourself what kind of territory you've entered into here. Browsing other dating sites such as OKCupid, AdultFriendFinder or FetLife is fine but remember that threesomes aren't the end goal for most people. Tinder can also be a great way to find a threesome – it's a little more time-intensive but definitely worth the wait. Create a profile as a couple and keep an eye out especially for bios with the unicorn emoji.

 

2. “Sell” yourselves

When setting up your profile, be sure to clearly communicate what – and who – you're looking for, and put a little time and effort into creating an appealing description of yourselves. A hot photo is also a great start. From the couple's perspective, threesomes are obviously alluring – you get the thrill of spicing up your sex life by means of the invitee – but you have to ask yourself why the third person would be interested in joining you. What exactly do you have to offer? Apart from your sexy couple looks, of course.

You want potential unicorns to know that you're safe and will treat them well. Remind yourself that despite the fact you're looking at the unicorn in terms of their pleasure value, they are human beings too, and just like any other sexual situation, they don't want to be used; they need to know that they're going to be having just as much pleasure as you. Let them know that you're excited about the threesome; it'll give them courage you're not going to bottle it last minute – flakiness from couples is all too common – or abort half way through.

 

3. Tell them exactly what you want

Unicorns may be magical but they're not mind-readers. Even if you're a little inexperienced, you can't just say the word, “threesome” and hope they'll know exactly what you're looking for. Are you down for just one night of fun or a regular relationship? Are you in an open relationship or are you looking for a polyamorous one? What's on or off the table during the event? Is there anything else they should know?

Of course, make sure you have discussed all of these questions in depth as a couple before communicating them to your potential unicorn; you don't want to create any confusion, certainly not around any sensitive matters or boundaries. Remember that threesomes should be inherently about openness – on every possible level. That means also asking the unicorn the same questions. Putting all of your cards on the table like this will help both parties decide whether this hook-up is right for them.

 

4. Run everything through in advance

Noticing a theme here? Organizing a successful threesome is alllll about the details. Talk openly about what's going to happen in the threesome itself – cover all bases and don't keep any secrets. Run through your wants and needs; discuss how you're going to protect yourselves from STDs and pregnancy; decide what's going to happen after the threesome – is your unicorn going to sleep over or will they have to call a cab?

If you're more a fan of spontaneity, I know what you're thinking, but honestly, for your first experience, this level of detail is essential: it'll put you at ease before the threesome and make the whole experience much more relaxed, enjoyable and healthy. Remember that the unicorn is going into this alone – they don't know you – and for them good communication is paramount to their pleasure.

It is also extremely important to consider the worst-case scenarios. You probably won't, but if you do suddenly start freaking out about your partner fucking someone else, lose the feeling half way through, or start to feel uncomfortable in any way, it's best to have a safe word – and don't be shy about using it. For any kind of BDSM shit, it's obviously a must. Decide on this safe word and discuss the plan beforehand. Does saying the safe word mean you just need to take a little timeout, or that the threesome is over? Communicate this to your unicorn and encourage them to use it too.

 

5. Take them for a drink

A great threesome is all about good chemistry and attraction – how can you know you're going to hit it off with your unicorn if you don't meet them in advance? Think of it as a first date: take them for a casual drink and get to know each other a bit. You never know, you might all feel so sexed up that you want to head straight home and get started right away, but, especially if it's your first time, it's best to look at this as a no-sex evening so that both parties can go home separately and properly, soberly, reflect before jumping into the action. What if you suddenly develop some doubts you don't feel like discussing in the company of the unicorn? Take time to talk things through alone with your partner; there's no need to rush, and there's absolutely no pressure.

 

6. Value their pleasure and treat them like a human being

As we mentioned earlier, your unicorn is not a sex toy, and they're not here to be used, be turned into a commodity or cater to your every whim (unless that's explicitly part of your arrangement). The unicorn is the odd one out by default so it's important to make them feel special. Seduce them, shower them with compliments, spend time focusing on them, and seek to pleasure them. Treat them like the rare and precious human being that they are – despite being very horny, they aren't actually a magical horse. Maintain the communication throughout, respect their boundaries and feelings and always ask before trying something new or unexpected. Then end the experience on a warm note by thanking them for helping you bring your fantasy to life.

 

7. Have fun!

Don't sweat it, you'll be fine! Relax, enjoy, have fun: the most important rule of all.

 

Follow Dee Cunning on Twitter.

Preview image: Terry Richardson

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