Here's What The Lives Of 18 Celebs Would Look Like If They Weren't Famous
Be aware: Photoshop skills on level 200
It's easy to find out information about celebs pre fame-life, but the shocking details usually end with the beginning of their careers. But have you ever thought about what these icons would have become if they never became A-list? No? Well, we did. After hours of office debates and some tedious Photoshop, we're here to show you what the lives of 18 celebs would look like if they never made it big.
1. Donald Trump would be...
... a used cars sales man!
If The Donald didn't have to go and become SCROTUS, he would most likely be living in the New York suburbs with wife Sue-Ann (who’s 72 years old - like Donald Trump). He started selling used cars when he was 19 years old, and he has fucked people over without getting held accountable for it ever since.
2. Kim Kardashian would be...
... a weather woman!
Fame or not, Kim would still be standing in the spotlight! Or... standing in front of a green screen. She would be presenting the weather forecast on a small news station like was it her own show. And we're positive she would reach the same kind of celebrity status as Robin from HIMYM.
3. Kylie Jenner would be...
... a college student!
We know from real life that Kylie has a passion for fashion, which is why she would be studying fashion merchandising at college. She loves designing hoop earrings and culturally appropriated shoulder bags that have a Native American vibe. Aaaand she would have her old $0.00 face.
4. Selena Gomez would be...
... a social media intern!
Looking at her IRL Instagram, it's obvious Selena has some serious social media talent—enough to earn her 122 mill followers. After graduating college, where she studied media management, she applied for a 6 month social media internship at a magazine. Overall, we imagine her to live a quiet life sharing a flat with three other girls in Austin, Texas.
5. Lady Gaga Would be...
... performing in a circus!
Lady Gaga—or Stefani Joanne as she would be called—would be touring Europe with a circus. Working as an acrobat, she would still find happiness in performing for a speechless crowd! She loves being on the road, living as a nomade learning about new cultures.
6. Paris Hilton is...
... a dog stylist!
On the Lower East Side of Manhattan, Paris Hilton runs a dog styling salon called "Bad Bitch"— she even does their nails. The business is rather successful, and the joy of seeing the puppers transform from being basic bitches (literally) into first class, premium dogs is the biggest satisfaction in her life.
7. Rihanna is...
... working for Doctors Without Borders.
Having a passion for humanitarian work, Rihanna exchanged her music career for an education as a nurse. Ever since, she has devoted her life to helping people in developing countries with Doctors Without Borders. She probably wouldn't have time to do her hair like this, but Riri is flawless inside and out, so who knows if she actually wakes up like this?
8. David Guetta is...
... still a shit DJ
Do you know that feeling when someone releases a new song and you see "Feat. David Guetta" in the title, and you just go "awww f*ck..."? Yeah, famous or not, Guetta only has one future—and that is to be a shitty DJ. The only difference between this and the parallel universe is that the crowds at his concerts would have a much more appropriate size of maybe... 50 people and not 50k.
9. Ed Sheeran is...
... a Leprechaun!
Yes, this might not come as a shock to anyone, but Ed Sheeran would be wearing a green suit, guarding a big pot of gold and getting hunted down by kids on St. Patrick's Day because he would be the mythical creature known as a Leprechaun. Considering the astounding resemblance between Mr. Sheeran and a Leprechaun, it makes it hard to assess wether or not this is only just a theory or if it is actually TRUE?
10. Harry Potter would be...
... Draco Malfoy's BFF! (A sad fan-fiction written by The Fizzy Girls)
If The Dark Lord had never gone to Godrick's Hollow the night of October 31, 1981 to kill the Potter family and if the story of "the boy who lived" was never a reality, the relationship between Harry and Draco would've been a completely different story.
James Potter would have raised his son Harry to become a savage bully like himself, which would have led The Sorting Hat to place Harry at Slytherin. Here, he would've made friends with weasel-boy Draco Malfoy. Together, they'd make every Slytherin kid call Neville "Gaptooth," which would lead Neville to become a Hogwarts drop-out. They'd sexually harass Hermione and bully Ron for being poor. #sad
11. Kris Jenner would be...
... a meme!
Kris is undeniably a charismatic woman—with or without the fame! But the charisma would be a whole lot different if the mama bear wasn't surrounded by butt implants, botox and social media. Let the starter pack speak for itself 'cause it's on poooiint!
12. Justin Bieber is:
... a youth pastor at Newspring church!
There are two things in this world that Justin Bieber could not live without and they are: music and the love of Christ! Instead of living a sinful life as a pop star, he started preaching at Newspring Church to help other young Christians dedicate their lives to the Lord! Like many youth pastors, he thinks he's much cooler than he actually is.
13. Nicki Minaj would...
... run her own beauty salon!
After getting laid off from her job as a waitress at a Red Lobster restaurant (for discourtesy towards customers, true story), Onika decided to pursue her (second biggest) dream (right after becoming a famous rapper): Opening a beauty salon. The profits from the business benefit college students who have trouble paying off their student loans.
14. Taylor Swift would be...
... an old soul.
As sentimental as it may sound, Taylor is an old soul in a young woman's body. I mean, how many seriously believed a word she sang in "22"? She obviously doesn't feel 22—more like 77. If Ms. Swift never reached celebrity status, she would be sitting at home knitting vests for cats to sell on her Etsy Shop.
15. Beyonce would be...
... a uni professor!
Beyoncé Knowles is a smart AF lady who takes no BS from anyone. She moved from Texas to the UK to become a Master in Women's Studies at Oxford University. After graduating, she was quickly offered a job as a professor at Oxford. Now she passes on her words of wisdom to a new generation of intersectional feminists.
16. Katy Perry Would be...
... hosting a kid's show.
Katy Perry's bubbly personality would be perfect for a children's TV show. She was already featured on Sesame Street, and we could easily imagine her having a career talking to puppets forever.
17. Miley Cyrus would be...
... a basic southern girl!
Like Kris Jenner, some things can just be more easily explained with a starter pack meme. Miley never left her family's farm and goes to Olive Garden when she wants to eat something "fancy." Every night before she goes to sleep, she has heated political debates with strangers on Facebook, which has led her to use heavy back eyeliner to try and conceal the insomnia.
18. Donald Duck would be...
... a normal duck.
Last but not least, we have our favorite Donald: Donald Duck! If Donald never achieved fame, he would probably still be chilling in a pond without human emotions and the ability to speak. He enjoys getting fed by old ladies and raping multiple female ducks every spring.