Freshman, freshwomen, students, faculty; all dear friends: Welcome to college life. Apparently high school prepares you for it, but no, it doesn’t. If you’re still eating your mama’s food and can’t heat up some mac-n-cheese with fake bacon bits, you’re not ready. You need to learn to digest undercooked mashed potatoes and overcooked dry chicken. You need to ruin some colored clothes with Clorox and let the milk expire in the refrigerator. You MUST pee in a downright terrifying bathroom, where everything is sticky; just hoping it’s spilled alcohol.
If you haven’t experienced the “bathroom horror” you haven’t lived yet. You need to experience your roommate’s messy shenanigans and loud mouth snores. And you certainly must learn to have classmates- and their company- come in and out of your dorm room while you’re trying to score. Well, that is, unless your parents walked-in on you, then you may be trained and certified.
To put your mind at ease, here’s a list of the top party colleges in the United States. Now, if your school made the list, beware! Most college-bound hopefuls still want to study, work hard and overall receive a solid education. It’s all good! If you do so, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a couple of beer pong tournaments along the way. Remember, most parents hope their all-grown-up-yet-still-a-kid children to stay safe and get good grades. Someone needs to pay all those student loans after graduation.
Having dreams of being passed out in the middle of the fraternity’s lawn with half your head shaved and your belly full of shaving cream and toothpaste? Even worse, waking up and having no clue as to how- or why- you’re wearing a thong, lipstick and furry pink handcuffs? These college campuses may be ground zero for an epic Revenge of the Nerds remake, #GenZ style
University of Colorado – Boulder: within one mile radius, there are 40 bars. FOURTY. More importantly, Colorado legalized marijuana. So, high and drunk all week long, Animal House has nothing on them!
University of Michigan – Ann Arbor: This party center has 51, as in FIFTYONE, bars within walking distance and nothing much else to see, or do; unless what you’re doing is another human being.
Tulane University: What is this list without having a university in Louisiana? If Mardi Grass and Preservation Hall are within reach, you party hard!
Pennsylvania State University: People dream of coming to Penn State, not only to get the best education, but this one is considered one of the best party schools.
University of Illinois: Really? When the university campus is named “Champaign,” there are high expectations to fill. Near Chicago, one of the most cosmopolitan, big cities in the world, this university is geeks and cheeks all night long!
Do not disappoint if your school isn’t ranked here. There’s plenty of partying to do, unless you’re off to a religious missionary campus in the middle of nowhere. Otherwise, enjoy your newfound freedom which comes with a spontaneous ability to make out with many strangers as possible in a dark room filled with cheap liquor and beer. Have fun, and study hard! Enjoy your new chapter of academics and a debt sentence.