How To Banish The Fuckbois Once And For All In 2018
According to a mental health expert.
Everyone knows that New Year's resolutions are basically just a way of sweeping over our dirty laundry and lying to ourselves. Didn't achieve half of the things you definitely said you would do in 2017? Join the club. It's okay though (right, right?) because planet Earth is about to begin a whole new orbit around the sun and we're gonna finally get our shit together – whether that's running off the mince pies and becoming a fitness freak, drinking and smoking less, saving money, helping others or finding love. How about we all report back in a year and see how well all of that went?
But if there's one New Year's resolution (shall we just say resolution?) we can really stand behind, its ramping up that self-love – and we're not talking about health and exercise fads, we're talking about having some damn self-respect and truly looking for number one. For many of us, a huge part of this, however challenging, is finally learning to leave those fuckbois behind for good. We might be hopelessly attracted to their bad-boy personalities, their sweet nothings and...their dicks, but they are toxic. And just think of all the life goals we could achieve in 2018 if we weren't in perpetual emotional turmoil and had the chance to truly be our best selves.
Luckily, psychologist Dr Danielle Forshee has some expert advice on how to banish the attraction to toxic dudes from your mind – for good. Talking to Galore, she came through with the following insights. Listen up!
– via Dreamer blog on Pinterest
Think about what bad-boy characteristic is really attracting you. “Usually, we will find that it's an emotional function that the bad boy characteristic has for us, meaning that it fulfills, very temporarily, some of the need for feeling desired and excitement,” Danielle said.
Emotions aren't logical, they're animal, and they often drive us to do crazy stupid things. In fact, choosing lust over love is usually catastrophic. But if you step outside of yourself for a moment and analyze that fuckboi, the deeper you think about it, the more you'll realize there's actually no logical reason for being with him. “Overall, they create a short term burst of excitement while leaving us with long term devastation,” she said.
Listen to your mates
We all love to ignore our mates' warnings when they're actually looking out for our best interests – lust is a drug, in that respect. “When we sit in our own thoughts and emotions with someone that we crave, even if it's not good for us, we tend to only think about the positive ways they make us feel. This is in fact a psychological mechanism,” explains Danielle.
But since your friends are the only ones, beside yourself, that can pull you out of a bad situation and unlike you, they aren't emotionally invested in this guy, it pays that you trust them on this. “At this time is when your best friend needs to snap into action and start reminding you of all of the reasons why this person causes more pain than pleasure, ” Danielle said.
So there you have it, if you really wanna break the habit in 2018, harness the power of your friendships – after all, we are stronger together!
If you're in a committed relationship with a former womanizer, however, here's some super-useful advice to keep you sane.
Preview image via looklive.com